House

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Sara M: A | 1 USERS: B+
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That's Cold

He seeks out Cameron, and how nice of Liz Friedman to write something for her to do when no one else will. It turns out that Cameron's been spending her post-House time getting appointed to the PPTH budget committee, and is therefore in a position to convince its head to restore free cable to the patient rooms. Cameron says pay cable will give the hospital thirteen thousand dollars a month, showing that for all her attempts to appear disinterested, she really has her finger on the pulse of hospital budgets. House vows to do thirteen thousand dollars' worth of damage to PPTH each day. This should be easy enough; just step on a couple aspirin and you're there, if discharge bills are to be believed. Instead, House goes for the tongue depressors, dumping a box of them out on the floor. Cameron, her patient, and a nurse just stare at House. The patient, no doubt, is starting to rethink coming to a place where doctors behave like children. He'll be at St. Sebastian's within the hour. When House goes for the rubber gloves, Cameron takes the box away from him and says he'll have to make do with the broadcast networks alone. "I'll be fine on Tuesdays," House metas, which, by the way, he won't after next week unless he's an American Idol fan.

Back at the office, Kumar is putting his wacky plan into action. Cate is communicating with them via her computer camera, showing that Skype truly can do anything. She's putting the finishing touches on something called a "flaw detector," which Kumar explains will let off sound waves that should be able to break up Cate's stone. They've set it up with an egg first, saying if it can break that, it'll break up the stone. I don't know how that works other than sound waves are magical. Unless they're the ones coming from my new neighbors' wall, in which case they are evil. House enters the room just in time for the test. "Test? Did Ford test the Edsel? Did Coke test New Coke?" House asks. Poor New Coke. It's been like twenty-five years and it's still getting made fun of. You'd think all those episodes of Night Court would have covered all possible jokes at New Coke's expense. "Is that House?" Cate asks, and House is suddenly aware that his patient is in the room. "Can she see me?" he asks, unaware of how technology works. Cate answers that she can, and House takes a seat and tells the Cottages to go to the ER and spy on Cameron. He's hoping she'll make a mistake he can blackmail her with to get Coma Guy cable. The Cottages sigh and leave the room except for Foreman, who somehow knows he's not included in that group. With that, Cate starts up the flaw detector. Things look promising as it gently breaks the egg. But then it shatters the glass jar the egg was in and Cate decides she's not going to let that happen to her body. How silly of her; it's not like her body is made out of glass. I'm sure it'll be fine.

Cate sits in front of the monitor and tells House that his kidney stone theory is kind of flawed, as it hinges on her having sex. "Let me guess -- you're as pure as the driven snow," House snorts. "Only if the snow likes to be on top," Cate fires back. I believe House's eyes turn into little hearts as Cate continues that she's doing a psychological research project down there and would never get intimately involved with her subjects. I doubt that'll be an option after they find out what she did to the last egg on the entire station. What a waste. House starts making fun of Cate for not being a "real" doctor, to which she says she's got control over her body and he doesn't, so he'd better cooperate. Um, yeah, but if you want to not die, Cate, it would behoove you to cooperate with House in return. Foreman steps in and tells Cate to run a panel of tests on her blood so they can rule out kidney stones. House orders Cate to start herself on some medicine for the kidney stone he's sure she has while she's waiting for the test results. Cate agrees to do the blood draw but says nothing about the medicine.

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House

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