Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: B+
That's Cold

On their way down the hall, House rules out Cuddy, since Wilson is straight and Cuddy is manly. You know, House, you can either talk about Cuddy's giant boobs and ass or you can say she's manly...probably not both, though. Back to Cate, they're stuck. They need to run a kidney function test on her but she's in a coma, so they can't. House thinks of a way they can get Sean involved.

"Drink her urine?" Sean says and I just realized why he looks so familiar: it's Matt from The O.C.! It's amazing I'd even remember him when he was so freaking bland on that show. He looks and acts much better here. Anyway, Sean has to drink Cate's urine and tell them if it tastes "concentrated" or watery. Sean's only question is how to get the urine out of Cate, which House finds surprising. Not me, though. I mean, what else is there to ask at this point? I'd want to do as little talking as possible and get it over with, myself. House thinks Sean must be in love with Cate to be so willing to do something so disgusting for her. Plus he'll get to see her naked, sort of. "Now I know that I can get you to do anything to save her," House says, his cold black heart breaking and scheming at the same time.

House finds the Cottages and yells at them for getting Cameron fired. All he wanted was cable. Yes, and he got a special bonus of no more Cameron. Good job, Cottages. But House is very disappointed in their performance and threatens to fire them unless they say the magic word. "Cameron wasn't fired," Mildred says. "WRONG!" House says. "We're sorry," Taub supplies. WRONG! "I love you," Kumar attempts. I don't even know why he thought that would work. Also: WRONG! Mildred finally gets fed up and says she's not going to play House's little game. Ding ding ding! House says she should have said that two days ago. "Do not play games with me," House warns them. Only he may play games, and this one wasn't about getting cable; it was about showing them that now they've been hired, they need to stop worrying that they'll be fired and start standing up to him. Of course Mildred was the one who figured that out. Of course. With that, House orders them to pay for his cable and go back to work. "NO!" Kumar says, so proud of himself for doing what he thinks House wants. But he gets shot right down as House says they are not to stand up to him when it comes to paying for his cable. Because he needs cable.

I hope Cate didn't eat asparagus before she went into a coma, because Sean is getting ready to drink a big cup of her pee. He sips it and spits it out all over the floor, which I'm sure whoever else needs to use that room will appreciate. He says it tastes watery. Foreman says that means the problem is in Cate's brain, not her kidneys. Either it's something with her hypothalamus, in which case there's nothing anyone can do, or it's intracranial pressure. To find out, Sean will have to do some tech ed work. Except instead of drilling through wood, it will be Cate's skull. If it's ICP, the fluid will drain and she'll wake up. If it's the hypothalamus, well...hopefully someone's got a kicky, hole-concealing hat to put on Cate's head for the open-casket funeral. Sean says he can't do this. If he screws up, he'll kill her. "I am not going to let you hurt her," House says soothingly. Foreman looks on with shock and horror, then looks up to the sky for the alien spaceships that must have abducted his boss and replaced him with a lookalike. "Please. This is her only chance," House says. Sean agrees. Relieved, House tries to make it look like he doesn't care with a sarcastic quip but we all know he totally does.

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