House

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Irene Sees Dead People

Bosley finally enters the room just as House is telling him to move his "ancient ass" -- it's Weird Beard! I love this guy. Never leave, Weird Beard! He enters the room with the files and expertly tosses them to the Numbers. The second-oldest guy in the room wonders why Weird Beard gets to be the Bosley. Kumar says Bosley is the "asexual messenger boy," so it's a sucky role. True -- Bosley was so unimportant that he got replaced between the first and second Charlie's Angels movies and no one cared. While Weird Beard goes over the details of the case -- young woman complaining of cadaver rape hallucinations before having a grand mal seizure, you know, the usual stuff -- the Plastic Surgeon makes a good point that while Bosley was played by the same actor, the actresses playing the Angels came and went.

Over in the ladies' corner, 24 suggests that the normal-appearing temporal scan should get a second look from someone better qualified than the crappy ER doctor (Cameron). "Way to get right back on that horse, 13!" House cheers. "No, that was Amber," 13 clarifies. "Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch!" House replies, never missing a beat. 24 rolls her eyes while House calls that the worst impression of 13 he's ever heard. Meanwhile, 13's impression of Cameron has been very good thus far.

The Plastic Surgeon has the shortest attention span ever, so he's now questioning whether Weird Beard is the fake doctor they all learned about last week. House confirms that he is, so Plastic Surgeon demands that his unqualified ass be fired. Since House loves Weird Beard as much as I do, he presses a few keys on his phone in a hilariously crappy attempt to make it sound like the connection is breaking up, even though (a) they aren't on cell phones, and (b) phones don't make key-tone sounds when breaking up. House calls on the Mormon to contribute, calling him "dark religious nut." Mormon asks to be called by his real name, Cole, but House says he won't bother to remember that. He then sends Cole, Weird Beard, and Kumar ("the other visible minority") off to break into and examine Irene's workplace and home while the white people run tests, as is their burden.

Orders given, House hangs up, only to get lectured by Cameron. I thought I would like her not being a Cottage anymore, but we seem to see even more of her now than we did before, and she's even more annoying than ever, now that she thinks she's one of House's equals. She tells him to stop being a jerk to the religious nut. Since Cameron is there in person, House can't just pretend her signal is breaking up to avoid the conversation, although it would have been funny if he had tried. Especially if that attempt involved playing "Funkytown" on the phone keys. Instead, he offers Cameron a hundred-dollar bet that no matter how hard he pushes Cole, Cole is too much of a wuss (House's word for someone whose religious convictions tell him to turn the other cheek) to fight back. Cameron quickly takes the bet, since she's seen this show before and knows that House is way past due for an ass-kicking. He's also due for a bet-losing. I mean, if Cole's religious convictions wouldn't stop him from drinking alcohol, I doubt they'll be enough to stop him from giving House a well-deserved punch in the face.

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House

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