House

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Irene Sees Dead People

House heads for Wilson's office and makes himself right at home on Wilson's couch. "My patient's talking to my grandpa Walt," he says. I grow uneasy at the prospect that my show is turning into The X-Files, but then House reveals that he doesn't actually have a grandpa named Walter -- he's just pretending that he does and is freaked out that Irene can see him so that she'll think he believes in her powers and let him "talk" to her dead mother. Wilson sits there wishing that his boring old cancer patients could have cool visions. Even with all those joints he rolls for them, they're still no fun at all.

House returns to Irene's room and totally overacts his spookedness, but Irene buys it. She tells him that Grandpa Walt went to get her some warm milk, but Dead Mom is sitting by her bedside. That's a little ballsy of Irene to not only hallucinate other people's grandparents, but to also make them get stuff for her. I'd be kind of mad if someone hallucinated a dead relative and then made him her eternal slave. House asks her if she remembers her mother being sick when Irene was about four years old. Dead Mom protests that she was not in pain, and Irene says her mother used to be tired and would stay in bed all day. Dead Mom suddenly remembers a couple times when she fell and chats about them to her daughter, who tells House about the fun time when her mother fell in the bathroom and got blood everywhere. Then they took her away. House rather kindly says that they took Dead Mom to a place that made her all better, and then she came back to Irene and they all lived happily ever after. House asks Irene if she ever noticed her mother walking strangely. Dead Mom says she thought her stooped posture was from hard work on the farm. Also, she used to get the shakes sometimes, even though she wasn't cold. Damn, Irene remembers a lot from when she was four. But I guess if those were the only memories I had of my mom, I'd hold onto them too.

House has gotten all the information he needs from Irene's fake dead mom. He returns to the classroom and triumphantly tells the Numbers to start the patient on L-dopa and bromocriptine -- Irene has Parkinson's, as did her mother. Parkinson's makes you hallucinate dead people now? Really? As if Michael J. Fox and his fellow sufferers didn't have enough to deal with. Geez.

Cameron the shit-stirrer approaches Cole in the hall and asks him how House is treating him. She says word around PPTH is that House has been treating him extra-special crappy. If I were Cole, I'd be a little concerned about the fact that in this giant hospital with all these employees, the office gossip is me and how my boss treats me. That grapevine's got one hell of a focus. But Cole shrugs it off, figuring House is like this to everyone. Cameron tells Cole to take a stand against House, saying House will respect Cole for it. Also, Cameron wants to win that hundred bucks. Baby needs a new pair of shoes.

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House

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