House
Half-Wit

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A+
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Anyway, the Cottages get to work with House's lab stuff. Foreman looks at a scan of House's brain and says that the tumor is inoperable. House has a year to live.

Meanwhile, Patrick's having uncontrollable seizures. But who cares about him? Certainly not the Cottages, who have been up all night with House's labs. Foreman finds a consent form for the Boston drug trial House is going to, and notes that the drug doesn't treat cancer: it treats depression in terminal patients. You know, this is why we don't have a cure for cancer yet: we're wasting time on making people with cancer happy instead of making people with cancer not have cancer. At this point, House strolls in with Patrick's latest PET scan, which shows that the left side of Patrick's brain is doing a lot more than the right. The Cottages say that they'll be happy to do an angiogram on Patrick's brain after they've finished with House's cancer stuff. Fire them, House! But no, he just says he'll do it himself. And even though he has terminal cancer, they let him. Meanwhile, House should really let them in on his secret that he doesn't have cancer before Patrick's care is compromised. Then again, the Cottages should do their freaking jobs.

While House does the angiogram, he chats with Patrick about how his employees think he's dying. Patrick says that this is sad. House says that he told his Cottages to leave him alone about it, but did they? "Did they?" Patrick repeats. "That was rhetorical," says House. And somehow, Patrick knows what "rhetorical" means. House asks Patrick if he likes his life. "What life?" Patrick asks. The only thing he seems to like is playing the piano.

Meanwhile, the Cottages are calling around trying to get House into clinical trials for his cancer. House comes in and hangs up the phone. Chase tells him that they found a trial at Duke that has extended the lives of 15% of its patients by more than five years. If House is positive for some kind of protein thing, he can be in the trial. House shuts Chase down and says that they found small collections of blood in the right hemisphere of Patrick's brain. There are a bunch of possible reasons for this, but they don't know enough to know where to biopsy to test for them. "Everywhere!" House suggests. The Cottages, of course, say that that's really risky, etc., etc, and House says that Patrick's going to die if they don't do it, so there's nothing to lose. And since the Cottages won't come up with any other options, House says that Patrick is screwed.

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House

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