House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | 1828 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Debby Downer

Later, House is reading in his office. He looks up to see a freeze-frame of the news program about Debby on his TV. And then he sees Debby herself! She can't resist watching herself on TV, plus she realized that it's cold as hell outside. So she's come back to House, even if it means being stuffed in a bag several times a day. Like all cats, she immediately jumps on his laptop and hits all the keys. I got a new roommate recently, and she came with two cats. For the first time in my life, I often find long sections of "sdjfslkjgflsahkfg" in my documents if I forget to close my laptop. House finds the action more interesting than annoying, and actually pets the cat as she settles down on his computer. He might think that it won't die like those patients did since it's an Apple, but I'm here to tell you that I've owned three Apple laptops, and two of them died. The third was stolen, so I can only hope that it also died and made life slightly less convenient for the person who took it from me. House strokes his laptop and somehow comes up with his epiphany as he stares at the TV screen. He fast-forwards it and pauses on a close-up of Debby. Whatever it's telling him, it's his answer.

Taub is sitting in Neil's office building, looking anxious as he probably reconsiders his decision to quit. A woman walks out and tells him that Neil doesn't work there anymore. "He's the CEO," Taub says. CEOs get fired, too, Taub. Except when they get "fired," it's usually accompanied by a huge severance check. The woman says she can't tell Taub anything. He persists, saying he's about to invest with Neil's company. "He doesn't have a company. He worked here, but he was a receptionist. A temp," the woman says, totally going back on her word not to tell Taub anything. Also, UH OH. And where is Neil now? In custody. "I went to high school with him," Taub says, as if people from his high school can't get arrested. And here's the kicker: "that's what everyone else thought, too," the woman says. It turns out that Neil was using his access to the real CEO's office to scam various doctors into thinking he was an old high school classmate. Then they'd magically cure his fake inner ear problem and somehow be convinced to invest with his company. In cash, presumably. That's a really complicated scam Neil had going there. How did he figure out which doctors to target like that? How was a lowly temp able to access the CEO's office? How could he have known that Taub and the others would be so ready to invest their money when he didn't even say anything about it in the first place, but waited for them to bring it up? How did he know so much about the doctors and where they went to high school in the first place? On the plus side, Taub might feel like sucker, but Neil was caught before he lost the rest of his life savings to a scam artist. So he's still got that. Until he walks outside with his envelope full of cash and gets mugged.

House

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