House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Debby Downer

We open on House playing with various medical items to construct a race track, complete with loop-de-loops and a shark to be jumped over at finish. None of us want that to happen (although many of us are wondering if it hasn't already), so we're all relieved when Cuddy appears out of nowhere to grab the car out of mid-air before it can jump the shark. Not even pausing to bask in the glow of her amazing interception skills, she informs House that he has a Clinic patient waiting. House tries to claim that he's waiting for a follow-up appointment, but Cuddy is wise to his plan and already did some checking to realize that the patient House claims to be waiting for is dead, as are all the other Clinic patients he scheduled for today. She gives him a file for a real, live person and destroys his race track. The patient is lead into the room looking like she's about to face a firing squad, which is understandable considering what her first impression of her new doctor must be. Cuddy really should have waited until after House cleaned up evidence of his incredible immaturity. The patient's complaint is that she's had colds all winter and fears that something "big" is going to happen to her. House asks for symptoms, but she just says she's a nurse and asks for some blood tests by name. If she's a nurse, why does she have to go to a free clinic? Don't they have health insurance and stuff? And then she falls on the ground with a seizure, much to House's annoyance. He rolls his eyes and calls Cuddy in for a consult. While she tends to the seizing lady, House tries to escape. Cuddy calls him back in to point out that his patient's peeing bright green. And we get to see it, too. Fun.

To celebrate new patient Morgan's symptoms and possibly St. Patrick's Day, House writes them on the Whiteboard in bright green ink. For the green urine, he simply writes a big letter P and lets the Cottages figure out what that means. Kumar does, and is way too amused by it. He laughs stupidly, and I remember why I have the hardest time buying him as a doctor. Taub arrives late, which means he gets today's B-plot. While other Cottages suggest diseases, Taub takes one look at the file and asks why they're bothering with it. He doesn't think green pee merits this much work or attention. I'll bet if he was the one with the green pee, he'd feel a lot different. He diagnoses Morgan with epilepsy and drinking too many pre-St. Patrick's Day green beers. House pauses, then tells the group to go break into the woman's home and look for toxins. Taub protests again that this case is boring and "not important." "Neither are you," House says. Mean, but Taub was asking for it.

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House

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