House

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Debby Downer

Taub's on his way out when he runs into some guy who recognizes him. It's Neil Zane, and he says they went to high school together, although Neil was two years younger. Apparently, Taub left a bigger impression than Neil did, because it looks like Taub decides to take his word for it so as not to be insulting. Neil says he was speaking at Princeton when he tripped and hurt his leg, sending him to PPTH. Taub offers to treat him so he doesn't wind up with a doctor who leaves a thermometer in his ass for three hours.

House enters Morgan's room. He says the blood tests have come back negative thus far, and she suggests a whole bunch more for him to do. He has a better idea: he's going to flash a bunch of lights in her face to prompt another seizure, saying if they can't "confirm" that she has a problem, they'll have to give up the room. He flashes the lights, and, sure enough, she has a seizure. He lifts up her arm, and somehow that's enough for her to figure out that she's busted. She apologizes, and House says he's very upset because now Taub has one over on him. Morgan says she isn't Munchausen's like she's sure House is thinking -- she knows there's something very wrong with her and that she's going to die if House doesn't help her. And how can she be so certain? "A cat predicted my death," she says. It's enough to get House to turn around, but not enough for him to take her case. "Cats make terrible doctors," he says; "oh no, wait -- that's women." Cats make terrible women? Oh, I see. Women make terrible doctors. I should be angry at House for such disgusting sexism, but considering that all he has to base his assessment of female doctors on is Cuddy, Cameron, and Hadley, I can't fault his logic.

Taub fixes up Neil's knee in an exam room and asks him how he fell. Neil says he lost his balance during one of his frequent dizzy spells that doctors have yet to be able to diagnose. Taub has him lie back on the table while he gives him some kind of neck massage. Instead of finding this odd, Neil chatters away, saying he's teaching entrepreneurship at Princeton, as he's a CEO of a company that makes medical devices. If he's a CEO, shouldn't he be too busy to teach? With that, Taub lets him sit up again. Neil is amazed that his dizziness is gone. Taub says he had a calcium deposit in his ear, and he just "shifted it around a little," which doesn't seem all that medically sound. But Neil is thrilled -- three doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, and Taub did it immediately. He offers to buy Taub dinner, but Taub declines since he's married and therefore boring.

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House

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