House

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Sara M: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Debby Downer

Hadley goes to check on Morgan, who says her urine is turning colors again. Hadley smirks, expecting this to be another magic green pee trick. Her smile fades when she sees that this time, the pee is brown. Yuck.

House arrives at work the next morning. Hadley immediately suggests that Morgan is faking the brown pee like she faked the green pee, but that would suggest a serious lack of creativity on Morgan's part. House points out that Morgan isn't faking the bronchospasms, so why would she fake additional symptoms now that she's gotten the admission she wanted? Well, Hadley would rather think she's faking the brown pee because it doesn't fit as a symptom. As she says this, she hands Foreman a cup of coffee she prepared for him. Not like they're trying to pretend they aren't dating or anything. House doesn't notice because he's too busy opening an umbrella inside and watching Kumar for a reaction. Kumar just says "what?" and sits down. House suggests fecal matter is in Morgan's urine stream by means of a fistula, while Foreman asks how they know Morgan's urine is "still brown," which gives House the opportunity to look at Hadley while saying "once you go brown ... " She ignores him, and Foreman charges on with his theory, saying perhaps the urine isn't brown at all. Maybe it's another color that's mixing with some leftover green pee dye. And that color, House says, is purple. Wow, you can have purple pee? That's kind of awesome, although I'm sure it's not something I'd personally ever want to experience. Purple urine is a sign of a Strep bovis infection, most likely from colon cancer. Paraneoplastic syndrome explains the rest of the symptoms, because paraneoplastic syndrome explains every symptom ever. Except, apparently, brown pee. While House lets the news sink in, he whips out a salt shaker and knocks it over, spilling salt in front of Kumar. Kumar finally figures out that House is trying to scare him with bad luck omens and says it won't work. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with being open to the possibility that he doesn't know everything and it's best not to flirt with superstitions if he can avoid it. House calls him stupid and cracks an egg on his forehead, which is apparently another superstition. House may think he's getting to Kumar, but the joke is really on him, since he went through way too much effort to set all this up, including, as Taub is the only person to apparently notice as he wanders in late, a ladder leaning against the wall.

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House

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