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We'll Never Have Paris

House plays with his silverware while he and Stacy wait for Stacy's husband to show up for what promises to be an awkward three-way dinner date. House doubts that Mark will show up at all, since he's already cancelled two exams. Stacy says that this time is different because they're at a restaurant, and because she neglected to mention that House would even be there. Man, Stacy just loves lying to the people she claims to love. It's probably good that she didn't have any children. Stacy says that Mark is "scared" of meeting House, and that this could be another symptom of his illness, along with the stomach pain, fainting, "infantile regression," and sudden mood swings. House tries to get up to leave, but Stacy puts her hand on his to emotionally manipulate him to stay. And then Mark arrives and House says hello by pretending not to remember Mark's name. Mark takes a seat and says that he's doesn't want to bother House with his medical problems, especially since several doctors have informed him that he has no medical problems. House says that there's nothing else for him to do here, then, and Stacy gets all annoyed that House promised he would check her husband out, regardless of whether or not her husband actually wants an exam or whether House wants to do one. I think Stacy might just be a little bit of a control freak.

Mark comments that he's glad Stacy and House had a chance to "catch up." House tells Stacy that she has a great "fella" in Mark, who is very good at faking sincerity. Mark breaks it down and says he really thought House would be all "sarcastic" and "bitter" because Stacy married Mark instead of House. House makes an odd comment about how they should do "guy" things together, like throw a ball around, and I wonder if this is how his friendship with Wilson started. "We could go for a run together," Mark says. Ouch. "Ah! It's Oscar Wilde!" House responds. Stacy says that while pissing contests really turn her on, she'd like Mark to go to the hospital now. House lifts his beer and proposes a toast to women. Mark and House down their glasses, which isn't all that impressive when you consider the fact that these fancy-dancy restaurants put beer in such small glasses. When they finish and manfully slam their glasses on the table, House says he's taller. Mark says he has more hair. At the rate House's hair weave is conspicuously growing, that might not be true for too much longer. The guy's going to start Season 2 with a hairline below his eyebrows. Mark suddenly gets all woozy, and House jumps up to help lower his head to the table. Then the paramedics enter the restaurant, saying they got a call to transport someone to PPTH. House directs them to the unconscious Mark as the diners mumble in concern. House assures them all that they have nothing to worry about unless they ate the veal, and the restaurant owner immediately calls his lawyer to file a lawsuit. Stacy accuses House of slipping her husband a mickey, and House says he did indeed, because he told Stacy he'd check Mark out and this was one way to get him to a hospital. He offers to give Stacy a ride so that they can talk, but Stacy would rather ride with the ambulance. For how much those ambulances cost, you might as well take as full advantage of them as you can, right?

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