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We'll Never Have Paris

Stacy holds Mark's hand as she sleeps beside his bed. He wakes her up, seemingly feeling much better. She jumps onto his bed and kisses him. House watches them from outside. Cameron watches House. Cuddy watches television. I mean, I'm assuming that's what she's been doing all episode. I miss her. Especially now that the other female cast member is having her Big Scene. Cameron asks House about Mark, pretending to care, and then cuts to the real issue: "I were too screwed up to love anyone. But I was wrong. You just couldn't love me." Which should really be proof that House is totally NOT screwed up. He stares at her, all, "Why does this silly woman keep pouring her heart out to me? My god, this is more melodramatic than those soap operas I watch!" "I'm happy for you," Cameron says. Except that she isn't, really. Also, whatever. And: shut up, Cameron. She leaves, and House immediately turns back to Stacy and Mark in bed, because even they are more interesting and less painful to watch than Cameron is.

House listens to some old-timey blues on his office record player. Stacy enters, and thanks House for "fixing" her husband. She says that House was right, both about Mark's condition and about her. She's not over House. He was "the one," and he always will be. House stares, wondering if she'll passionately make out with him now and they'll all live happily ever after. Silly House! It's only the first season! And indeed, Stacy adds that she can't be with him. She's married to someone else. Oh well! Also, I think House still kind of hates her for the leg thing. I think he'd be with her again if he could, but he'd still be bitter about it, and it still wouldn't work out. "You are brilliant, funny, surprising, sexy," Stacy says. But she was "lonely" when she was with House, and with Mark there's "room" for her. You see, that's why she wanted to cut off House's leg: she figured that if he took up less physical space, there would be more space for her. But, no. House looks like he's going to cry. Cold plastic Sela Ward attempts to make her eyes well with tears, and is half-successful. She kisses House on the cheek. And leaves.

House exits the elevator (drink!) and heads for the exit. Cuddy runs downstairs and catches up with him. She needs to "run something" by him. "I will not have sex with you!" House shouts. "Not again!" He says there was too much "desperate administrative need" the first time they did it. Cuddy just makes a "yes, yes, please finish your merry quip so that I may continue speaking about the issue at hand" face and why why why did they focus on House and Cameron and House and Stacy when we could have seen more of House and Cuddy? I don't even want them to hook up, I just want to see them hanging out at a bar making fun of each other. Cuddy says that Mark will need "close monitoring" at the hospital for a while, and she figured that since Stacy was around, they might as well hire her to be the hospital's lawyer. Uh...WHAT?! You know what, forget everything I said about Cuddy being cool in this recap and all that came before it, because that sucks. It sucks so bad. It sucks for House, but even more than that, it sucks for me, because I don't want to see Stacy again and now I have to endure at least seven more episodes of her next season. Maybe her skin will settle a bit over the summer hiatus and she won't re-Botox, though. There's always hope for Sela Ward. Probably more for her than Jennifer Morrison, whose portrayal of Cameron is part of the reason why I can't stand the character. If Hugh Laurie can make an unlikable character likable, then Jennifer Morrison should really be able to do the same with a character who has the advantage of not being a drug-addicted semi-racist people-hater. Also, what is preventing Mark from being transferred to a hospital closer to his home? I doubt PPTH is THE destination hospital for AIP patients. Cuddy says Stacy said she'd take the job if it was okay with House. House walks away. "Yes or no?" Cuddy calls after him as the lobby crowd who heard House's earlier comment to her completely misinterpret the question. "Fine. Good," House says, not looking like it's fine or good with him. And the You Can't Always Get What You Want Choir, it sang. And the season, it was bookended by the music of The Rolling Stones.

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