A fifteen year-old faith healer comes to PPTH with stomach cramps that quickly progress to a fever and delirium. During one of his less lucid moments, he "heals" one of Wilson's terminal cancer patients. The kid believes the God will also cure the tuberous sclerosis the House team find making small tumors in his brain and causing the auditory hallucinations he thinks are God talking to him. They can't explain how those hallucinations tell the kid some of their private personal information, though, which vexes House. He doesn't like God knowing that he won't invite Wilson to his weekly poker games...until, during one of those games, he figures out that Wilson moved out of his apartment and into the home of his terminal patient. Because he's sleeping with her. And it was she, not God, who told the kid about House's poker game, after Wilson told her about it. House gets back at her and her loose lips, though, by figuring out that her cancer wasn't healed after all -- the kid simply gave her a virus that happens to attack cancer cells, temporarily shrinking the tumor and giving her a few extra months to live. And what virus is this? Why, it's some crazy case of the herpes, of course, given to the kid, when he defied God's words and had premarital sex. It was the herpes and not the tuberous sclerosis that were making him sick, and the team cures him of this, and House and God end their battle in a tie.
After a Touch Of Evil-style long take through the darkened streets of Fox's New York City backlot, we enter a church filled with singing and cheering parishioners. They're guided by a Frankie Muniz-looking kid (although this kid is, of course, much better looking than Frankie Muniz because...you know, anyone is), who tells them a Bible story about a guy who felt sick and went to a doctor instead of God. Not that there's anything wrong with that, the kid is quick to point out, before he can get sued faster than that infomercial guy who tried to say his calcium supplements cured cancer, but doctors tend to be blinded by the fact that, without God, nothing is possible. With that, the kid places his hand on the forehead of an older woman who's leaning against her walker. In what is probably an intentionally hilarious shot, two blind guys in the corner look around cluelessly. After waiting the allotted time for God to move through his hand into the woman's forehead to magically heal her, the kid takes Agnes's walker away, and tells her to have faith that her leg problems have been cured. He gets the crowd revved up to cheer for Agnes, and she takes a few tentative steps forward. She's cured! The kid, however, is having problems of his own. As he lifts his arms up to God, the Magic School Bus Cam goes flying into his gut, where something stretches and cracks. The kid responds to this by doubling over and falling to the floor in pain. His father runs up, and the kid asks him to get a doctor. I guess you don't need Jesus when you've got a good health insurance plan.
House strolls into work looking extremely cool in his motorcycle jacket and the sunglasses. Wilson confronts him about a DVD player he left at House's place when he moved out to parts unknown between the last episode and this one, which House has yet again failed to bring to work with him. That's no problem for Wilson, though, since he can just come pick it up...Thursday night, perhaps? But House would rather bring the DVD player in tomorrow, as Wilson guesses that Thursday night is House's poker night, and that Wilson is not invited to it no matter how much he wants to be. And he really, really wants to be. After watching House's maverick poker skills a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be so eager to play against him, but I'm one of those people who doesn't like losing money.
Someone stupid has assigned Foreman and Cameron to work together in the ER. They check out our pre-credits kid and amazingly do their job, rather than continuing last week's bickering over the article. Also amazingly, I now realize where I recognize this kid from: he played Ruthie's weirdo boyfriend on 7th Heaven! We were supposed to think he was straight even after he did a song and dance number with the entire high school's baseball team. I'm pleased to report that he's much better in this role. I guess that being on a show with actual quality makes you a better performer. Cameron sticks the kid with a needle, and he smiles at her and thanks her for her painless phlebotomy skills. Cameron is happy finally to be appreciated by someone, until the kid -- named Boyd, by the way -- starts in with the God talk. His father finally speaks up to say that God has been talking to Boyd since he was ten years old. Foreman and Cameron are dubious, to say the least -- until Boyd tells them that God told him that he would meet a female healer who is "harboring vengeful thoughts about a man she works with." Boyd's eyes flicker in Foreman's direction, and Cameron and Foreman stand there looking fairly impressed. Boyd reminds Cameron that it's "God's job" to have vengeful thoughts, not hers, which is just what I want out of my all-powerful overseer -- someone who's into petty revenge. "I'll keep that in mind," Cameron assures Boyd in order to shut him up. Boyd warmly thanks them for their time. He sure is charming. Unlike some people.
Speak of the devil, we cut to House, whose reaction to the news that their latest patient has conversation time with the Almighty is, predictably, intense disbelief. Chase assures House that Boyd isn't crazy; he's just crazy about God. And suffering from low sodium. Other than that, they can't find anything wrong with him. House brings up Chase's religious past, pointing out that even though Chase was really into God, God never spoke to him, so Boyd is either a mental case or a scam artist. Cameron and Foreman both have sparkling reviews of Boyd, Foreman gleefully pointing out that Boyd told Cameron that God wants her to stop being angry at him over the article. I have a feeling that was more God wanting Cameron to shut the fuck up about it than wanting to restore unity to the House staff. Even God's patience has limits. House still isn't convinced, noting that Foreman and Cameron have very obvious body language going on that would tell anyone who was looking for it that they're not on the best of terms. House drops his yo-yo in favor of seeing the patient for himself, figuring that since God talks to Boyd, House really should, too.