House

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Sara M: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
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Busted

It's season finale time on House, and that means we're going to get all trippy and format-breaking. The writers had three months of striking to think about for this episode, and it's so jam-packed that they had to make it a two-parter! Here we go ...

Things kick off with House in a strip club. A modestly-clothed stripper is dancing for him, but he's not enjoying himself. Nothing kills the mood like having no idea why you're there and repeatedly getting inexplicable flash-backs of black and white images of bloody, damaged bodies. House smells his breath, and sure enough, it's alcohol, but the stripper says the one drink he ordered since arriving at the club hasn't even gotten there yet. Way to go, strip club bartender. You want your patrons to be as drunk as possible so that they spends lots of money they don't have, and that means getting the drinks out to them ASAP! House checks his watch and realizes that he can't remember the last four hours; last thing he knows, he was at work. He was still at work at 4:50? What's up with that? He's been staying late. The stripper takes no notice of her client, who's obviously having some serious problems and muttering to himself. House realizes that there's more going on than the fact that he's drunk, so he asks the stripper to say five random words so he can see if he's able to remember them, which is a diagnostic test on memory retention. The stripper frustrates him by saying things like "What do you mean?" and "Are you okay?" which are neither random, nor enough words. She finally lists off five animals, and House can only remember two of them, which means he's either ridiculously drunk or ... his head is bleeding. In fact, the stripper sees a sizeable wound on House's head. Shame on the club for not noticing it when they let him in! Don't they have bouncers? This place is terrible. The stripper finally realizes there's something wrong, and House diagnoses himself with a concussion and retrograde amnesia. He thinks he's been mugged because his keys and phone are gone, but the stripper says he still has his wallet, since he gave her a twenty from it just a few minutes ago. "Did you earn it?" he asks. "Not yet," she says. Um, Stripper, the correct answer is "Yeah, and you were actually about to give me a hundred, so let's have it please, thanks!" Not only is she wearing granny panties, but she's also honest? She's the worst stripper ever! Also, why is she still smiling and trying to be sexy when her client has a gaping head wound and is kind of out of his mind? The time for sexy dances is over! House closes his eyes and sees another quick flash of people crying and suffering. "Someone is going to die," he says. Oh, NOW the stripper's alarmed. She calls out for help, but House waves her off with a "not you," and then continues that he saw a "symptom" and "someone is going to die unless I find them." I will pardon his grammatical error because of the head wound. "Who?" the stripper asks. Like, why is she even involving herself in this conversation? And could the music in the strip club be any worse? How can anyone dance to that? "I have no idea," House says. But it's more important to him that he finds that out than get his twenty dollar's worth, so he limps out of the club without his cane, which is also apparently missing.

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House

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