House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A+ | 4 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Busted

I'm starting to understand why it's so important to House that he be at PPTH to do this diagnosis, as now that it's in the hands of his team, we see how much they totally suck. I mean, Kumar isn't even paying attention to the case, focusing instead on the images of House's skull fracture and admiring its length. Foreman supplies that Driver is now exhibiting the first signs of liver failure. With that, the phone rings, and everyone just stares at it because they all know exactly who's calling. It's House, and he wants to know why Parkinson's was eliminated. Foreman says it turned out that the abdominal pain was due to liver failure, which is not a symptom of Parkinson's. House dives back into diagnosing, but Kumar worries about his head injury. Biana says they might as well let House participate, since "brainstorming ... won't explode his brain." House says that if his brain does explode, at least it won't be boring. Plus, he's safely out of the room so he can't barf on anyone. Taub comes up with a diagnosis that House doesn't like, but everyone else thinks it makes sense. He bickers with them, raising his voice and getting the nurse's attention. She runs over and whisks the phone away from House. All he has time to tell his team is not to bother testing Driver with a "too-slow" genetic test and go for the "bagel test" instead.

And here I thought we were going to see some test named after, like, Mark Bagelle, or something, or maybe it was spelled "B.A.G.E.L. test," where the letters all stood for something scientific. Nope! The bagel test involves actual bagels. And speed-walking on a treadmill while eating them. Biana tries to convince us that this is medically relevant by saying that high carbs plus exercise is the fastest way to confirm their diagnosis of Thyrotoxic Periodic Paralysis. Basically, they're trying to set him up for another bout of paralysis. But it's been a half an hour and he's still moving, which is kind of admirable in and of itself when you consider that he has liver failure and that eating while exercising causes the worst stomach cramps. Kumar steps aside to answer his phone, only to hear House on the other end saying that the bagel test isn't working. Kumar looks around suspiciously for the House he's sure is watching them, and then House tells him to stop looking around suspiciously. "You are completely predictable," House says, and Kumar looks both disappointed that House doesn't have awesome psychic abilities and sad that House criticized him. House wants to hear Driver's breathing, but he's interrupted by the nurse, who very much doubts his story that he's just in the bathroom to take a dump. Maybe it's because she can hear him talking. Or because she just noticed her awesome pink cell phone is missing. House tells Kumar he can hear Driver's "labored breathing" and the nurse bangs on the door and yells at him. And then Driver collapses, so Kumar cries out that the test worked. But House hears Driver wheezing and says he can't be paralyzed if his chest muscles are working. As for what's really wrong with the guy, House says, he can't figure it out without being there.

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House

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