House
Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

When the ladies are gone, Foreman remarks that House should really write a book about office politics. The title shall be Alternative Medicine: How Vicodin Makes Your Boss Less of a Pain in the Ass. House says that things could have been worse; for instance, he could have told Cuddy that Foreman and Chase will be breaking into her house while she's off with Cameron. Foreman and Chase jump forward and refuse, Chase saying that Cuddy is much scarier than House is. House chalks that up to the fact that she's female, and tells them not to worry, since he'll be coming with them. This probably just makes them worry more.

House and his boys de-elevator. House smugly sucks on yet another lollipop while Foreman and Chase both look miserable. They pass Wilson and Stacy, who are conveniently spending their busy schedules hanging out in the hospital lobby. Stacy is surprised that House is taking his Cottages out to lunch. Or maybe her eyebrows just make her look surprised. They're really high up on her forehead. Wilson says that there's no way House is taking anyone to lunch, especially not his underlings. Stacy notes that, since House looked especially pleased with himself, he must have felt compelled to confide in someone as to what he's doing, and that someone is most likely Wilson. She's right: Wilson says that House is going to break into Cuddy's house. "What? Why?" asks the woman who left cookies out when they all broke into her house. She wonders why House is so curious about Cuddy. Wilson is curious as to why Stacy is so curious about House's curiosity. Stacy is curious -- okay, we could do this all day, so I'll cut to the chase, which is that Wilson says Stacy is the one who dumped House (interesting), and that she's married, "and they are neither of those things." I don't even know what's going on anymore, but I'm not all that curious to find out either.

House limps up to Cuddy's front door. He wonders if Cuddy has red thongs (gross, House), and then bets the Cottages twenty dollars that he can get into Cuddy's house in twenty seconds, implying that he'll be using a credit card to break in. They both take that bet, and House puts his credit card back in his wallet and lifts up a flower pot next to Cuddy's door, revealing a spare key underneath. I guess you don't have to worry about home security when you live in a weird dimension where palm trees grow in New Jersey. Foreman and Chase sigh, but I don't feel sorry for them. That's what you get if you still haven't learned not to bet against the Man Who Knows Everything. ["It's why no one ever takes any wager proposed by Robert Goren, either." -- Wing Chun] House grins smugly as he lets them in. Chase and Foreman give him the money as they enter.

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House

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