House
Humpty Dumpty

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All The King's Houses

Cameron has been chosen to hook Alfredo up with the deadly poison. Alfredo's mother and brother watch.

Cuddy no-nonsense-walks into her office, but she's being followed, since her one-time assistant is apparently on a coffee break. Alfredo's brother, Manny, introduces himself and then volunteers to work for Cuddy in Alfredo's absence. Cuddy turns him down, saying that Alfredo wants Manny to finish school before he mows lawns. Wow, she and Alfredo have had some deep conversations there. Much more so than her "you're trying to get out of work to watch soccer" attitude at the beginning of the episode suggested. "Like you care," Manny says, which throws Cuddy off-guard. Manny is pretty disgusted that Cuddy hasn't been in to see Alfredo at all since he fell off her roof. Cuddy doesn't have an answer to that. "Bitch," Manny mutters as he leaves. That just proves that he's too young to work. Anyone can call someone a bitch under his breath as he's walking away from the bitch-in-question. It takes a real man to do it to her face. A real asshole man, but a real man all the same.

Aw, crap, Stacy's here to talk to House like she hates him and wishes he would die and then we're all supposed to think that she still loves him. Can't someone just throw Sela Ward in a microwave and give her three minutes on the "defrost" setting? She finds House hiding out in a Clinic exam room, watching GH. There's a commercial break right now (buy PHILIPS BRAND MRIs for the very best in deadly medical equipment!), so Stacy has a chance to ask how Cuddy's doing. House says that she's been very un-Cuddy-like lately, so he's been having a blast. "You know her," Stacy says. Why did they put Sela Ward on this show and make that big media push about it if her only role was going to be telling various cast members that they know other cast members? That's like the fifth time she's said that in this episode alone! Stacy adds that Cuddy has "trouble" with situations where she feels "personally responsible," which I think is referring to Cuddy's guilt about House's leg as the reason she lets him get away with stuff like breaking into her house and feeling her panties. House protests that Cuddy's real problem is narcissism: if you think everything is your fault, then you must also believe that you're pretty powerful. Stacy implies that House has a touch of narcissism himself, and House says that he doesn't believe he can fix everything, and that the knowledge that he can't doesn't keep him up at night. "No, you lie awake tormented by how --" Stacy gets out before House interrupts to remind her that they're supposed to be talking about Cuddy, not him. House's personal torment is left up to you to figure out. "Lisa cares," Stacy says, because she gets to use first names now. She says that's what drives House nuts about Cuddy -- that she thinks of patients as humans who have feelings. Because if you're a woman on this show, you are automatically all about emotions. Great. Stacy knows that her order not to talk to Alfredo is making Cuddy feel even worse, and House says that now he's got two overly guilty women on his hands. Stacy says that House "owes" Cuddy a break, and tells him to take it easy on her. House says that the commercial is over, and Stacy is very surprised about that because she apparently thought GH had more ad time. Oh no wait, I'm sorry -- I have again confused Sela Ward's facelift consequences of surprisebrows with actual emotion. Seriously, Sela -- it's okay to let your face sag a little bit. That way, your eyebrows don't come to little points at the top like you're some kind of cartoon villain. A surprised cartoon villain.

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House

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