It's all about Cuddy this week, as her handyman falls off her roof and his fingers start to change color. She feels really bad about it, which clouds her judgment and earns her some fairly cruel House smackdowns. In true House style, Alfredo the Handyman is diagnosed and treated for a variety of ailments he doesn't have, making him worse until his right hand has to be cut off, his kidneys are shutting down, his lungs don't work, and he has bleeding in his brain. Fortunately, House secretly knows how to speak Spanish, and is able to find out about Alfredo the (Not So) Handyman's secret second job as a cockfight-cleaner-upper, and diagnose that he has some bird disease related to that. The B-patient is Mac from Night Court, who sets off yet another race debate between House and Foreman. But the more interesting debate is, of course, whether or not House and Cuddy ever had sex. Everyone thinks they did, but no one's saying for sure.
A woman jogs. Actually, it looks like she's sprinting, probably to finish her run strong. Closer examination reveals the woman to be Cuddy, who waves good morning to a neighbor as she jogs up the walkway to her beautiful house that they can try to make look like it's in a temperate climate all they want, but I totally saw some tropical plants hanging out on the lawn. That, and I happened to drive by the house used for the exteriors and saw them shooting it. Anyway, good to see that Cuddy's been spending all that time off-camera meeting the neighbors and getting some basic repairs done on her home, as we see Alfredo the Hunky Handyman just climbing down a ladder to her roof as she approaches. Man, everyone has a Hot Young Spanish guy working on their homes these days! Alfredo asks Cuddy if he can finish up the work tomorrow, since he's not feeling well today. "Mexico playing Argentina on TV?" Cuddy asks, going for the racist assumption for the first and certainly not the last time this episode. Of course the Latino wants to skip work to watch soccer. He'll watch it on Telemundo, where the announcer guy says, "GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!" Alfredo pants and wheezes that his asthma is pretty bad today, and Cuddy says that after six years working for her (apparently, her beautiful house is quite the money pit), Alfredo can't lie to her. She's having a dinner party tonight, and if it rains, the roof will leak all over it. Alfredo agrees to finish the job today, and Cuddy heads inside.
Cuddy throws her iPod armband down on the table rather roughly (but I guess when you're raking in those Chief of Medicine dollars, you can afford to break a few gadgets), and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. She starts choking after taking a sip, her eyes rolling back into her head. Just before I can be disappointed that my guess that a Mystery Illness would take down a member of the opening-credits cast wouldn't happen until Season 5, Alfredo screams and goes flying past the kitchen window. That's probably not supposed to be hilarious, but it really was. Cuddy immediately recovers from her over-exaggerated swallowing effort and pokes her head out the window to see Alfredo moaning on the ground.
An overhead shot of an ambulance crossing what I'm guessing is a river in New Jersey (I didn't see any palm trees this time, so it probably is the real thing) cuts to Cuddy inside the ambulance going all EMT on Alfredo's ass. He has some pain in his ribs, but Cuddy's more concerned about the fact that the two smallest fingers on his right hand are a shade darker than the rest. "They feel funny," Alfredo says. He asks if this is a bad thing. Cuddy looks concerned, but I'm not, because this is going to be a Cuddy-riffic episode and I am thrilled!