Someone unwisely let House into the hospital pharmacy with only Wilson to supervise him. House isn't looking for the elusive Super Vicodin he's heard tell of, but for some blood thinners to give to Stacy's rat. "Death by anti-coagulation," House says triumphantly. Because that's more humane than, say, a rat trap. And there's no other way to poison a rat except to raid a hospital pharmacy. Wilson doubts that a dead rat will send Stacy running into House's waiting arms, but House says that all he's trying to do is get Stacy to admit her feelings for him so that he can go to Cuddy with it and get Stacy fired or re-assigned and therefore out of his hair. Hey, that would have a been a lot easier if he had just said no to Stacy working there in the first place when it came up last season, wouldn't it? This makes about as much sense as thinking that murdering a rat will make you look sexy enough to get someone fired. Or that there's anything anyone can do to thaw Stacy the Ice Queen. House then calls Stacy's exterminator and pretends to be Mark. He cancels the exterminator, saying they no longer need his services. They can send the bill to James Wilson at Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Apparently, you can just randomly assign other people to pay your bills for you! How wonderful! Excuse me while I tell my landlord she can get all my future rent payments from the guy who works at the car wash down the street.
Chase and Cameron check out their new patient. Their new patient checks out Chase. "He's too pretty to be straight," he pronounces. Now, I know Chase might seem effeminate, Kalvin, but he's actually just Australian. When he doesn't get the reaction he wants out of Chase, Kalvin moves onto Cameron and makes fun of how her busy doctor workload must leave her no time for dating. I assume my "Cameron's talking about her Poor Dead Husband" cringe, but shockingly, Cameron just shrugs it off. That's almost a shame, because it would have been really funny if Cameron had busted out with an "actually, I did used to date -- before I met my husband WHO DIED THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP," and then we got to see Kalvin's resulting "whoops! Foot in mouth!" expression, but Cameron just asks Kalvin for a family history. He says that his mother died from diabetes, and that the last time Kalvin saw him, his father had cirrhosis. But Kalvin would much rather talk about Cameron, and how she's confusing a satisfying job with a satisfying love life. "I have fun," Cameron insists. "Yeah, she's got some scheduled for February," Chase says. Cameron throws Chase a hurt look as Chase asks Kalvin to elaborate on his relationship with his father. Kalvin says that his dad threw him out when he was sixteen, implying that it was because his father couldn't handle having a gay son. "Dads can be real sweethearts," Chase says. "Sensitive and cute!" Kalvin sighs. "He's cute," Cameron says, reserving the sensitive part for people who don't mock Fun February.