Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | 1 USERS: C-
Hunting For Ratings

Conveniently leaving an important detail like the patient's species out of it, House explains that he's got a patient with a neck tilt. The patient is known to run a lot, but hasn't complained of any pain associated with the neck tilt. House neglects to mention that this is because his patient lacks the power of speech. Because he's a rat. And also that said rat is actually a female, as evidenced by the noticeable lack of balls that we can thank our increasingly Puritan decency standards for. They blurred out a dog's bits on a show about dog grooming I was watching on Animal Planet the other day. The thing about animal genitalia, as opposed to people genitalia, is that we don't mentally associate it with sex. By blurring it, we are either assuming that association is there or creating it where it isn't, which makes me a lot more uncomfortable than just seeing the stupid dog balls in the first place. Anyway, Foreman says that House's patient could have a lung problem or a brain-stem tumor. Well, I don't understand why we have veterinarians when people doctors are apparently just as good in a pinch, or vice versa. And now I shall go to a vet for my yearly physical and save a couple of dollars.

Cameron and Chase search through Kalvin's big gay bachelor pad. Chase offers to take Cameron out after work for a drink to take her mind off of that whole AIDS-exposure thing. She turns him down, saying that one drink won't really do much for her considering that she might have HIV. Chase assures her that the chances of that are very small, "like zero." "Big difference between 'like zero' and zero," Cameron says. True, but I find that alcohol always helps to put things in perspective. Or, at least, into a different one where nothing is as scary as it really should be. Cameron says that the infection-control guy assured her that if she did end up testing positive for HIV, the hospital would take care of all her medical bills. Cameron adds that he apparently forgot to mention the part where her case goes to the legal department and then Stacy works her artificially tight little ass off to prove that Cameron is a crack whore who got AIDS her own self. Or maybe he did say that, but Cameron just wasn't paying attention. Chase chuckles that it's not like Cameron has anything remotely scandalous in her past for anyone to find, which is supposed to reassure Cameron but only seems to make her feel worse.

Chase finds one of photographer Kalvin's artsy photos that used some pre-WWII broken light bulbs as props. Sadly, we don't get to see this photo, which must have had all kind of crazy stuff happening in it. As Chase explains to House back at PPTH, old bulbs used to contain beryllium, the dust of which causes berylliosis, an inflammation of the lungs. Chase's possibly-dead dad wrote a paper about it, which is how Chase knows all this. House is relieved that Chase isn't actually smarter than he is after all, and orders Cameron to get a biopsy of Kalvin's lung tissue to test Chase's theory. Chase gallantly offers to do it instead, but House says he'd rather not expose all of his employees to AIDS if he doesn't have to.

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