Informed Consent

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Life Is Not A Cabaret

Everyone reports to Ezra's room. "Must be bad news!" Ezra practically laughs. But no, House says, Ezra's bone marrow showed multiple myeloma. The Cottages exchange glances that indicate that this is a surprise lie from House. You'd think House would've tried to think of a disease that Ezra was at least not a world-famous expert on, and, sure enough, Ezra sees right through his lie, saying that his lungs couldn't be suffering from the associated hyperviscosity syndrome since Chase told him that his calcium levels were normal. Way to blow that one, Chase. House covers by saying that Chase is stupid and gets stuff wrong a lot. Ezra also says there isn't any M protein in his urine, which is apparently significant. "Odd presentation," House shrugs. It sure was! That neon yellow piss was practically glowing in the dark! Ezra says it must be odd, since he can tell that Cameron doesn't believe it either. I expect them to cut to her mouthing, "No! It's not true!" and shaking her head behind House's back, but no, she's just standing there apparently looking disbelieving. House asks for twelve more hours. No way, Ezra says. He wants to die RIGHT NOW. And if House won't honor his end of the bargain, then they should discharge Ezra so he can go home and die slowly, painfully, and terrifyingly. Unless he, you know, spares everyone the burden and kills himself. "You're really gonna let me die like that?" asks the man who apparently forgot that throwing himself off a bridge doesn't really take all that much effort.

Everyone sits in their offices and sulks about their failure. Except for Cameron, who's hanging out in Ezra's room on what I'm assuming is suicide watch duty. And House, who's only seen in a recycled shot from only two episodes ago. Either that, or he went home and changed into the same outfit he wore in that episode and stashed his cane somewhere off-screen, only to change back into his original clothes and get his cane back for when he suddenly takes off without telling Foreman and Chase were he's headed.

House's going to Ezra's room, of course. Foreman and Chase follow him in. Cameron stands up. House tells them to leave while he prepares what I'm guessing is a nice big dose of killer morphine from his handsome leather suicide assistance kit, which has ample pockets and room for all your suicide assisting needs! Only $99.95 at Brookstone. He tells them to make sure someone sees them downstairs in the cafeteria and not in the room of the patient who just died. Aw, he sort of cares sometimes. Foreman runs up and says that he won't let House do this. House threatens to shoot him up with the morphine instead. When Foreman looks to the Cottages for support, it's not forthcoming. So he abandons whatever morals made him want to stop this and leaves the room. "I can't be a part of this," Cameron says, as if House didn't just tell her to leave the room and not be a part of this. She leaves. Chase and House stare at each other, and then Chase closes the door and shuts the blinds in what appears to be the time-honored Assisted Suicide Procedure. I'm sure it won't look at all suspicious that two doctors just bolted out of Ezra's room loudly announcing their intentions to go to the cafeteria and then the door closed and all the blinds were drawn. Not at all. Anyway, good for Chase for actually showing some kind of personality here, although I'm still not sure if he's doing it because he believes doctor-assisted suicide is right or to suck up to House.

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