House

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Instant Coma

House decides to waste his time and ours by visiting a coffee shop where Hadley is working on a laptop. He recommends she search for "Misty May digs for gold." I do not recommend anyone search for that in real life because it appears to lead to computer viruses. Hadley says she's searching for her own gold -- the gold of not being in New Jersey. She's making travel plans. House asks if that means she's given up on getting back with Foreman. She isn't moving, House. Just going on vacation. I wish she was moving. But we all know she'll be back. She tells House that she's glad he's better and she enjoyed working for him. Yes, those were good times. Like when she got that brain tumor for one episode. Or when her co-worker shot himself and she found the body. Or when she killed her patient and his dog. But, she insists, she will not return to PPTH. HOORAY!!! Now please get off the show. House says he's fine with that, since Foreman would step down as head of diagnostics to save his relationship with her if she did come back and House likes things the way they are, with Foreman in charge dealing with all the administrative headaches and House free to do whatever he wants. But is he getting an administrator's salary or a fellow's? Because there's a big difference. Anyway, Hadley tells House that she's going to Thailand. "Interesting," House says. No, it isn't.

Back at PPTH, Jack is doing much better since his poop-removing barium enema and Roy is thrilled. Cameron and Foreman tell them not to celebrate just yet, since it's only ten minutes into the show and that means this is the part where Jack gets better momentarily before getting much, much worse. Sure enough, as Cameron notices that Jack's abdomen "looks bigger" although the mass of poop is gone, Jack suddenly has some serious brain problems. One eyeball is looking off to the side and the other is staring straight ahead at nothing. Then he has a seizure. Foreman checks out Jack's eyes and says there's intracranial pressure. He orders Cameron to give Jack 500 mg of phenytoin, but she says that's too much and gives him only 50. That's, like, a tenth of what Foreman ordered so it does absolutely nothing to help the pressure. Jack will need surgery. And that means Chase will have to get off his ass and do something.

Jack is rushed to the OR. Foreman says they need Roy's consent to do the surgery and hurriedly tries to explain why it's necessary, but Roy doesn't want to go on the word of any doctor but House. Foreman says they don't have time to wait for House to show up and do his job, so either Roy gives his consent and they do the surgery, or Jack's brain will herniate. Roy finally nods his consent. They'd better hope they do this surgery right, because I don't think a nod will hold up in court. Also, are they seriously using a drill that looks just like the one I bought for light home repair at Home Depot to drill into Jack's brain? Because if so, that thing isn't even powerful enough to get through hard woods, let alone a skull. And it runs out of batteries like every three minutes. Fortunately, they only need to get through some bad CGI and the drill is fine for that purpose. The monitors show the seizures stopping and the intracranial pressure declining to normal levels.

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House

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