With that, House goes off to prove that Maggie is a liar after all by talking to Jane, whose arm is now in a sling. Way to break your kid's arm with your hand paralysis, Maggie. Geez. House asks Jane whether Maggie tells her the truth about all the drugs she does. Jane says that her mother admitted to smoking pot once in a while, but that she hasn't in a long time. Plan A foiled, House goes for Plan B, asking an eleven-year-old girl about her mother's favorite sexual positions, helpfully listing a few off for Jane to choose from. I know it's important to you to prove to yourself and 13 that Maggie is capable of lying, House, but now you're talking about sexual positions with an eleven-year-old girl while you both suck on lollipops. That's probably illegal. Dateline NBC has gotten men arrested for much tamer talk than this. But then Jane reveals that her mother used to like being on top but now has sex while lying on her stomach to keep her mastectomy scars hidden. Um...what? What conversation did those two have to bring that out? Did Jane ask? Did Maggie just volunteer the information? WHY WOULD EITHER OF THEM DO THAT? Why doesn't Maggie know that you can be honest with your daughter and still not answer questions that aren't appropriate for little girls to know? Like, she could very honestly have said, "You don't get to know that, and why would you want to? Don't be creepy." I mean, my mother has also had a policy about never lying to her children, so when I asked her if Santa Claus was real when I was three, she told me the truth. But when I asked her what her favorite sexual position was, she didn't answer at all since I never asked that question because WHY WHY WHY WOULD I WANT TO KNOW???
Later on, hanging out with Wilson in the cafeteria, the man who just asked a pre-teen about her mother's sex life accuses said mother of child abuse. He follows up by saying that there's a reason why parents lie to their children -- it works. (By the way, the opening credits are still freaking going on the screen. So many co-executive producers. So very many.) When Wilson starts half-heartedly arguing, House snaps that lies are better than truth because truths such as the fact that Wilson is losing his "boyish good looks" would hurt Wilson's feelings. At this, Wilson wraps up their conversation by taking a glance at Maggie's MRI and pronouncing it breast cancer-free. "It's not cancer," he says with absolute certainty.
House walks down the hall with Kumar and 13, telling them to find a different diagnosis because cancer is out. He and 13 also bicker over whether Maggie has ever lied, because that's important when your patient can't move her hands for no known reason. House thinks that they should check Maggie for STDs, since those apparently cause paralyzed hands and House has a feeling that Maggie's been pretty promiscuous if her daughter knows about it, but 13 says that they already did the tests, because Maggie already honestly told them all about the men she's been getting with in between trips to the climbing wall and TMI chats with the kid. House says that they should follow up with all of Maggie's sexual partners to see what else she could have unknowingly gotten from them. This could take the next few weeks if all this talk about Maggie's promiscuity I've been hearing is true. Hope Maggie's got that long!