House

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It's A Lot of Stuff We've Seen Before

Kumar checks on Maggie, who says that her hands are still paralyzed. Then she goes blind.

After the commercial, the tests are back: the Ecstasy was just good old-fashioned pure Ecstasy and therefore is not responsible for Maggie's current condition. House doesn't care about her because he's decided to do an office Secret Santa after all. He puts everyone's names in a stocking, with great gusto, and passes it around. Kumar picks out a name and says "sweet," because he has to have something to say about everything except, like, medical stuff. House finds Kumar's reaction interesting, saying that Kumar must be happy he picked a certain name because he's relieved that he didn't get another certain name. 13 picks a name, reads it, and immediately stuffs it in her lab coat pocket. "Interesting..." says House. Unlike Maggie, House lies. Because that was not interesting. Nothing Agnes does is interesting to me. Yes, I am calling her Agnes now. I warned her I'd pick out a name if she wouldn't, and here it is. House decides that they need to break into Maggie's house, where he's sure that they'll find some clues. The team protests that MS or a vascular problem is more likely. House tells them to tempt fate and give Maggie a second MRI of DOOOM!! to check for MS and some long-named test on her eyes to look for vascular stuff. And the person going to Maggie's house is to bring back her computer so that House can look through it to find proof that Maggie lies. Well, as long as it's medically relevant. Then he pulls a name out of the stocking and cheers that he got exactly who he wanted: "This is gonna be fun!" Kumar grins stupidly and naïvely.

Before she gets her eyes checked, Maggie makes sure to tell Jane that she's scared, because that's the kind of reassurance kids love to hear. I wonder how many nights poor little Jane stayed awake because when she asked her mother if there was a monster under her bed, Maggie responded, "Not yet, but if a pedophile really wanted to break into the house and take you away for his own sick purposes, he'd probably be able to do just that." Foreman says that he and Taub are confident that there's nothing to be scared about, which means that something really bad is about to happen. While they check out Maggie's eyes, Jane says that their boss is weird. Geez, Jane. There's being honest and then there's being rude. Taub sticks up for House, saying that his weird methods often get results. Yeah, that still doesn't make talking about sex with a young girl okay. Or medically relevant, which it wasn't. Foreman says that there are no bleeds in Maggie's eyes. Jane and Maggie think that's a good thing, but fortunately for them, Foreman is there to burst their bubbles with a very honest pin. "A vascular problem, we could fix," he says, implying that the alternative is not so easily repaired. "They look worried now, Mom," Jane honestly reports.

Wilson finds House at one of his favorite PPTH locales. No, not the pharmacy. The foosball table! Apparently, word of House's Secret Santa thing has spread like wildfire around PPTH; Wilson wants to know why he's doing it and, more importantly, whether this means Wilson won't be getting any sweet Christmas presents from House. Poor Wilson; he'd do a Secret Santa thing, too, if only the Oncology department had more than one person in it. House says that he's doing this to tear his team apart, because that's a great way to get them all working together as a functional unit. Plus, House adds, presents often say a lot about the person giving. For example, Wilson gave one of his wives cash for their anniversary. Now they're divorced. Whatever; cash is still a better gift than, like, a kitchen appliance. Those are just insulting.

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House

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