House goes to Wilson for his weekly epiphany. Wilson assumes he's there to talk about Cuddy, and is pleased to
rub it in report that she's thrilled to bits to be a new mother. House ignores Wilson and lists off Jerry and Sam's symptoms. Wilson ignores House and says he'll have to pay off whoever didn't bet that Cuddy would change her mind. Which means Kumar loses again. House says it isn't over yet: "everyone's happy until they unwrap that pretty present and find they've got a wall clock in the shape of Africa." Wait, what? Is he saying that Cuddy might have a black baby? And that she wouldn't want it because of that? I really don't think she'd mind. Also, who wouldn't want a wall clock in the shape of Africa? That sounds cool. Wilson says that won't happen to Cuddy. Since she didn't actually give birth, she won't have hormones messing with her dopamine receptors and causing post-partum depression. Therefore, new motherhood will be a cinch! Wilson need not continue, however, as House just got his epiphany. He gets up to leave. "I've just given you the answer, haven't I? And now you're going to walk out of here without saying a word," Wilson says. "Nope!" House says, just to be contrary.
House enters Sam and Jerry's room with an Important Announcement: "good news! I know what you have, and you're both gonna be fine!" Sam's like . Jerry's like . The Cottages are like :-O. House says he's half-lying. He knows what they have, but not if they'll be okay. He only said that to see what their reaction would be, and if it'd be a happy one. It wasn't. "They're anhedonic. Incapable of experiencing pleasure. Something's bushwhacked their dopamine receptors." House explains. Hadley coldly says that depression is perfectly understandable when mom is dead and dad is on his way out, too. When is one of the patients going to speak up and say "um ... I'm right here?" House says Jerry and Sam are beyond bummed. They have no friends and they're indifferent to each other and everything else. Taub is all about this, saying it explains why the apartment was so joyless and had such a gross view. My apartment has a gross view, too. I hope my dopamine receptors are okay. Hadley points out that Jerry does coke, so he must feel pleasure. House loves this, and throws it back in her face that people don't do drugs because they're happy. Case in point: Hadley. Apparently, Jerry's subconscious was looking for a way to be happy because it wasn't, and that explains his sleep-coke use. I once fell off a toilet and hit my head on the bathroom wall and got a concussion while asleep. What does that say about what my subconscious wanted? Foreman says if it is anhedonia, then the most common cause is schizophrenia. "In white folk," House says. "They're ... black?" Kumar asks, very confused and forgetting that other ethnicities do exist. House asks Jerry for his real name. "Jamal Hamud," Jerry says. Yes, he's Arab. And he changed his name during the first Gulf War and never, apparently, changed it back. Which was probably a good idea what with all the stuff that happened after that. Although ... it's not like America was going to put Arabs in internment camps or anything. I'm pretty sure we learned our lesson after WWII. He doesn't look at all Arab, by the way, but Sam definitely does. I just figured she got that from the dead mother. Very clever, show. So, just how did House know this? Because his diagnosis is Familial Mediterranean Fever, and only people of Mediterranean descent can get it. Incidentally, nothing I've seen about this disease says anything about sleepwalking or even insomnia as a symptom, although one page asked if I was looking for information on Funkmaster Flex. There was a lot of stuff about all these other common symptoms that neither Jerry nor Sam had, by the way. I know, I know. It's not a documentary. I'll stop. House says Jerry's symptoms were set off by age, while Sam's were set off by the stress of her father dying. House says he doesn't know if they aren't too far gone to be cured, but tells the Cottages to start them on colchicine and melphalan anyway. Ah yes, colchicine. One man's killer is another's savior. Foreman has to point out that if House is wrong about this, the treatment will kill Jerry. But the show is almost over so we know House isn't wrong. No suspense here.