House returns to his office, very satisfied with himself that instead of giving Jeff and Whitney fake results that said he somehow managed to get her pregnant, he got into the "Christmas spirit" and gave her a fake virgin birth. "You're confusing nice and evil again," Cuddy says wearily, her dying favorite patient well forgotten about. But then ... Cuddy gets an expression on her face we normally only see on House's: epiphany face! Or as someone in the forums awesomely named it, 9:47 face! In a true Christmas miracle, Cuddy actually comes up with the diagnosis: eclampsia. And in a true Christmas House episode, House follows that up by saying that not only is it curtains for Natalie, but her baby's dead, too. JINGLE BELLS!

Cuddy gets to break the news to Natalie and her parents at the same time. Natalie's mom is familiar with eclampsia, saying it's a pregnancy disease. Unlike Whitney, Natalie's mom is familiar with pregnancy-related illnesses. She's not sure how Natalie could get it, since she isn't pregnant -- they tested when she was admitted, and it was negative. Cuddy says Natalie isn't pregnant -- anymore. You can get eclampsia up to a month after giving birth. Dad doesn't think so. "How could she hide a pregnancy?" he asks. "Loose clothes. She's heavy to begin with," Cuddy says. Damn. Just a half hour ago, she was telling Natalie she was pretty. Now she's fat. Let us also consider the incredibly inattentive parents. You have to be on another planet not to notice that your only child is pregnant. "It was probably premature," Cuddy says. It explains why Natalie stopped drinking and why she feels so guilty. And also why she isn't denying it. "I'm sorry," she says. And who's the father? Well, in a scientific miracle gone bad, it was parthenogenesis again! Not, not really. It was Simon. They were secretly dating. He didn't know she was pregnant and she was hoping to hide the pregnancy from everyone and give the baby away. But then people somehow found out at school (meaning Natalie's bullies were more attentive than her own parents) and then she went into premature labor when she was working at the soup kitchen. So she ran down the street and gave birth in an empty house. But the baby wasn't breathing, so she left it there instead of calling an ambulance or telling anyone. Cuddy cries because she hates seeing babies go to waste like that. Mom just wants to know if Natalie will be okay for her upcoming trial for negligent homicide. Not so much, Cuddy says: "the damage to the heart and liver are permanent." "I'm gonna die?" Natalie realizes. That's right -- House is celebrating Christmas with a dead teenager patient <>and her dead baby. This show is evil. "I didn't even bury her," Natalie says; "I just put my coat over her." Yeah, and then you walked home in the cold without a coat and caught eclampsia, so there.