Taub and Kumar care way too much about House's present, and go to Wilson for advice. He doesn't think it's a big deal until they say the book was written by Bell. Then he asks if it came with a note. Kumar recites it, and Wilson is able to guess the color of the wrapping paper the present was wrapped in. But he's reluctant to give the Cottages further details, which drives them crazy. Wilson finally talks. He says House had a patient named Irene Adler (you'll recognize that name if you're familiar with Sherlock Holmes or looked it up in Wikipedia, like I did) around Christmas time about seven years ago, and House got obsessed with her case and finding out what was wrong with her. He finally figured out it was Wegener's at the last minute. Wilson says he never saw House work that hard on a case. When it was over, House fell in love with Irene, but it was too soon after breaking up with Stacy (ugh, did he have to mention that name? I was hoping it would never be mentioned ever again like all those other unsuccessful story arcs) so he never pursued it. "Irene was the one who got away," Wilson says. "Really?" Kumar asks. Of course not, Wilson says. Good. I didn't believe it for a second, so I'm glad they didn't draw it out. Wilson says House is screwing with them -- the present is from Wilson, and he gave it to House last year. And House kept it on the table all this time? And no one noticed it until now? And since when did Wilson call House "Greg?" And who memorizes freaking wrapping paper??? Anyway, points for me for calling it that Wilson writes like a girl! With that, Kumar and Taub are paged.
Natalie is coughing up blood. Looks like Cuddy's OD treatment isn't making things better, which also means that Natalie didn't OD.
After the break, House and Cuddy are at the Whiteboard O'Symptoms. House crosses the hallucinations off, since they were from the shrooms, and adds a pulmonary edema to the list. He also adds "Cuddy," which is not one of Natalie's symptoms. He just wants to know why she's there. Taub explains that Hadley and Foreman were busy with the drug trial, so they called Cuddy in to help. Wait, what? Since when did fellows dare call the Dean of freaking Medicine in to help them do their jobs? Please. "Convenient," House says, narrowing his eyes at her. Cuddy leaves. "This is a good experience for me as my parents never got divorced," Taub says. Heh. Kumar and Hadley's parents didn't get divorced either, although maybe they would have if it wasn't for their tragic early deaths. House asks for diagnoses. "Glue-sniffing," Hadley says. Not sure if that's a diagnosis or her nightly to-do list that she accidentally said out loud. Taub doesn't care about Natalie because he'd rather figure out the mystery present. He guesses that it's from Cuddy. House says no. Hadley comes forward with more medical stuff because she doesn't know what's going on or why Taub cares about the present so much. Taub stands up and comes forward with a diagnosis of love. As in, Cuddy is in love with House. At this, Hadley and Kumar share a fun smile. "I told you to LAY OFF the present!" House growls. Taub doesn't back down, though. He says House needs to go to Cuddy's office and tell her how he feels. And if he won't, Taub will. "Damn it. A love like this needs to fly free," he says. Kumar and Hadley snicker, Hadley still not knowing what's going on but enjoying the ride. House figures out that they talked to Wilson and know the present was from him. The jig, whatever it was, is up. House says he should have just wrapped a new present instead of using an old one. I think he should have unwrapped the old present last year because that was a cool gift and now it's in the trash. With that, House asks Kumar about Natalie's volunteer work. Apparently, she works in a soup kitchen in deepest darkest Trenton. Hadley and Kumar get to search Natalie's home and school for toxins. For ruining House's annual Christmas screw with the underlings fun time, Taub gets to swab the asses of soup kitchen regulars. Taub's expression goes from smug victory to resigned defeat in 0.2 seconds.