House
Joy To The World

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Bully For You

Hadley's still doing her drug trial. She asks Foreman what happened to the woman with the advanced symptoms she had such a hard time dealing with last week. Apparently, they are now firm friends. You can be friends with her all you want, Hadley. It still won't change the fact that you hated your mother to death! "She dropped out," Foreman says. I don't blame her. If I had to deal with Hadley talking to me all the time, I'd drop out, too. Hell, I tried to quit this job six times during that hostage episode two weeks ago. Foreman says the woman didn't give a reason why she quit, and he didn't feel like breaking into her house to find out. He says he only saves that for "very special" patients. They smile at each other. Oh, good. A Foreman-Hadley romance appears to be brewing. Wake me up when it's over. Appointment finished, Hadley takes off, leaving a present for Foreman behind. It's a gift certificate for a day spa and a note: "Thanks for helping me out. XO." Hey, now Foreman can use a vacation day for something vacation-like! That's a nice present from Hadley, although she could have given him a real Christmas card instead of a post-it note.

Taub and Kumar search Simon's locker. Taub is more concerned with why House would throw away an expensive present like that. Kumar quickly finds the shrooms, and Taub suggests searching Natalie's locker while they're at it. Fortunately, her locker is pretty close to Simon's. Kumar tells Taub to drop the present thing, since it's probably just House trying to screwing with them, just like he did last year when he gave himself a Secret Santa gift to trick them into getting him sweet presents. Taub doesn't see what his motive would be this year, and Kumar says that if the book was a real gift from a real mystery person and House's freak out was genuine, then their lives are bound to get more difficult. With that, Kumar finds a huge bottle of Tylenol in Natalie's locker.

For some reason, Cuddy and her new bangs are assigned to ask Natalie if she tried to kill herself with Tylenol. Natalie claims they were just for headaches. I got headaches when I was a teenager, too, but I always stocked my locker with a small bottle of ibuprofen, which is much better for headaches than Tylenol anyway. I certainly didn't go for the comically huge bottle. That thing wouldn't even have fit in my backpack! Natalie changes the subject to Cuddy and if she has kids. Wow, she unintentionally went right for the jugular there, didn't she? Either that, or House put a sign on Cuddy's back that read "ask me about my barren womb." Cuddy says she doesn't, but she was in high school herself not too long ago, so she knows how cruel the other kids can be. Natalie doubts it, saying that Cuddy probably had a fine time in school because she's pretty. "You're pretty, too," Cuddy says. "I'm fat. I'm a loser. They all hate me," Natalie says. Last year, they took pictures of her and said they were for the yearbook, then put them up on a website devoted to making fun of her. That can't be any worse than getting a guest starring role on a TV show as an unpopular fat kid. And did they have to name her Natalie? Someone on the writing staff has fond memories of The Facts of Life. Can't wait for next season, when we meet a patient named Tootie who is the only black person she knows until she gets a boyfriend in the later seasons. "Forget about them," Cuddy says. Yeah, easy for her to say. Although now that the entire jazz ensemble has presumably been expelled for slipping Natalie those hallucinogenic drugs, there will be nine less tormentors the next time she goes to school, so that should be an improvement. "Let's just make you better," Cuddy says. "What's the point?" Natalie asks, so emo.

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House

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