Taub returns to PPTH with a diagnosis: tuberculosis. Apparently, one of the homeless people Natalie had close contact with was exhibiting some tell-tale signs of it, and the symptoms fit Natalie's perfectly. And that's how Taub got out of doing anal swabs. Good for him. Meanwhile, House is putting a white lab coat on for the first time since Vogler. He tells Taub to treat Natalie for TB and heads for the Clinic, even though, as Taub points out, he doesn't have Clinic duty today (or, like, ever anymore). "Who says it's a duty?" House asks. Hooray for opposite day!
"Hi, I'm Greg!" he says, entering an exam room. The patient introduces herself as Whitney. She has a terrible headache. "Oooh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll get you fixed up," House says, pulling up a chair. He also offers her water, coffee, even peppermint tea. Peppermint tea? I thought only nurses prepared that! This is madness! Whitney says it's nice of House to offer, especially since Clinic doctors are usually so rushed. Way to complain about the free doctors, bitch. The doctors I pay $360 a month for health insurance to see are also rushed. Anyway, Whitney's headache is at the base of her skull, which House instantly recognizes as a pregnancy-related issue. He assures her it will fade by her third trimester. "I'm not in school," Whitney says. House has to take a minute to breath so he won't explode with insults at her stupidity, then explains that by "trimester" he means, "pregnant." But there's a problem -- Whitney doesn't seem to be aware that she's pregnant. At this, House has a hard time remaining fake nice and makes fun of Whitney for not recognizing the many tell-tale signs of pregnancy, like missing her period, getting fat, and even putting motion sickness patches on to deal with the morning sickness she didn't realize was morning sickness. "I'm a virgin. So's my fiancé," Whitney says. "I believe him," House says pointedly. Whitney asks if there's another way she could get pregnant. Like sitting on a toilet seat. Full of fresh sperm. "There would need to be a guy sitting between you and the toilet seat," House barks. He storms off, angry at himself for failing his nice mission.
Meanwhile, Natalie (remember her?) has a seizure. That rules out TB, and puts brain involvement back on the Whiteboard O'Symptoms. Cuddy reappears, too, since she's still involving herself in this case. Cuddy ignores House and says that Natalie's liver is seriously failing now, and they need to put her on the transplant list. Oh, no, don't do that! It will only give the Evil Transplant Committee what it wants for Christmas: the opportunity to sentence an innocent child to death by rejecting her request for a new liver. House focuses instead on the fact that Cuddy keeps coming back to work on this case. Either she has the hots for House and really hates the patient, or she has the hots for the patient and really hates House. Or maybe there's just no Dean of Medicining to do today. Cuddy just says she's just looking out for Natalie because she's a "nice kid" and suggests hepatic fibrosis. Hadley turns that down. House asks Cuddy if Natalie reminds her of her in high school, then decides that Cuddy is too attractive to have been unpopular. Was that ... a compliment? But he follows that up by saying it must be the emotional fallout of Cuddy's failed adoption. The Cottages are just like, "uh ... awkward?" Hadley's expression here is especially great. I think she might have even given the camera a quick "did you see that?" look like Jim does on The Office. Cuddy denies that one thing has anything to do with the other, and Kumar speaks up to says that the shrooms might have had something to do with Natalie's condition after all. They aren't toxic per se, but if Natalie's allergic to mold, they would be. Hadley doesn't think so, pointing out that Natalie ate the shrooms days ago, so she should be better by now. House says the shrooms could have given her a fungal infection, causing her symptoms to linger and get worse. They go off to test for that.