House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 1474 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Knight Fail

Wilson and Sam arrive back at Wilson's apartment on their way to a movie. Wilson wants to change out of his suit, and that gives Sam an idea to take advantage of his temporary lack of clothing to have sex with him. It'll mean they have to see a later showing, but no one seems to mind. Oh, but wait -- House is home. And he's pretending to be cheerful, humming a merry tune to himself as he puts the finishing touches on a plate of hor d'oeuvres, the first part of the dinner he made for Wilson and Sam tonight without telling them about it or checking to see if they had other plans first. Sam shrugs and reaches for one, but Wilson snaps at her not to touch it, no doubt fearful that it contains poison. But House puts on his most sincere apologetic expression and says he's only trying to be nice to make up for his "juvenile" behavior at the dinner. Since when was it considered "juvenile" to do anything with a transvestite prostitute? Except maybe pull on his/her pigtails. Anyway, Wilson and Sam totally fall for it and help themselves.

Sometime later, they're laughing over wine and the remnants of their desert soufflé. "My mom's recipe," House claims; "everything else I got off the web." Wilson proposes a toast to that, allowing House to add, "where I found the lamb ragout and you two found each other. Again." Sam says there was some stuff in between, like "divorce, depression, therapy, more therapy, then the internet." Because those are the kinds of things that make a new relationship blossom! Wilson's had enough wine to let his guard down and go to the bathroom, leaving Sam with House. "I cook in peace," House promises. Wilson leaves, and House smiles at Sam and says, "you're a cold-hearted bitch who ripped his heart out." He says there's no way he'll let her back into Wilson's life to do the damage that she did last time around. Sam takes this in, and then asks what the dinner was about, like that matters. "Phase 2 of getting to know my enemy," House explains. I'm pretty sure revealing said phases to the enemy was not in the phase book, but okay. Sam just shrugs and tells House he's wrong about her but she's glad he said something so that she only has to pretend to like him when Wilson is around. House says he feels the same way. Then they hear Wilson exiting the bathroom. "And scene!" House says, and sits back and drinks some wine like nothing happened. I wish Sam had done that too, but she just stays there with an expression on her face like House just farted in her puppy's face and then ran it over with his motorcycle.

House

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