House

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Knight Fail

At PPTH, House arrives for work fully clothed and bearing arms -- a giant sword, to be exact. I'm sure he had no problem getting it through PPTH's useless security team. "I had a dream like this once," Hadley says; "it didn't end well." House greets his fellows with "huzzah, loyal peasants!" and makes a circumcision joke that I'm sure none of the men in the room appreciate before informing them that there's a guy in the ER who "lives" in a community where they pretend to live in medieval times every weekend. House describes this as "a nobler age where people crapped in the streets and [Hadley] would have been a grandmother." Hadley reads Sir William's file and sees that he's actually been living there (or "camping out") every day for the past month as House swings his sword, thus cutting off the top of his little anatomy bust's skull. Foreman is not impressed with House's sword skills or Sir William, saying a seizure following a fight is an obvious concussion. Taub says it could be a subdural hematoma, but House tells him "to demonize" his diagnosis. "An evil, Satanic subdural hematoma," Taub says. House says he meant "two demon eyes," as in Sir William's bloody eyeballs. Hadley says it could be an allergic reaction, which is exactly what House was waiting for, as it means he gets to send his Cottages to the crazy Ren Faire for a look around. He tells Foreman to take "Frodo" to check it out. Taub assumes that means him, but House says he's actually Gollum. And none of it applies anyway since the Hobbits are from Middle Earth, not the Middle Ages. Hadley, then, is the Frodo, which upsets her because she thinks House is saying she has short legs or hairy feet. Chase, meanwhile, pretends that he doesn't know who Frodo is.

House heads to Wilson's office, still armed with his sword, the point of which he places close to Wilson's throat as he asks him who Sam is and why Wilson tried to hide her from him. Wilson is upset to hear that House was home last night after all and that he was wandering around their kitchen naked in the morning. "Why?" he asks. "It's not important right now," House says, quickly changing the subject back to Sam and why Wilson doesn't want him to know about her. There are so many reasons, all of which have to do with House and none of which have to do with Sam, but House prefers to think it's something like Sam is married or used to be a man. He thinks her masculine name is a clue, then realizes that it's short for Samantha, which is also the name of Wilson's first ex-wife. Or, as House calls her, "the soulless harpy [Wilson was] married to before [House and Wilson] met." He guesses that Sam is only back with Wilson because she's older now and has fewer options, so Wilson looks good again. Wilson tells House he can spare him the protective act: "I got this." House appears to be fine with that, saying he'll be there to tell Wilson "I told you so" when Sam breaks his heart again.

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House

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