House

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Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Knight Fail

Moving right along, Wilson and Sam wait for House to arrive for their dinner. Wilson is justifiably nervous, but Sam doesn't see how bad House can be in the middle of a restaurant. She doesn't get a chance to finish her sentence, though, because one of the most awesome things in the world just happened: House walks up with his dinner date, who is a transvestite prostitute. And House is fucking beaming right now because he knows that this is one of his greatest ever moments. House clearly got his transvestite prostitute from a much better area than my neighborhood, where the transvestite prostitutes are haggard and have terrible wigs and are constantly fighting with each other near the bus stop. No, this transvestite prostitute is classy. And her name is Sara! YES! This is the second week in a row we've had a Sara! I DEMAND SARAS EVERY WEEK ON THIS SHOW FROM NOW ON. "It's so nice to meet you! Horse has -- " "House," House corrects. " - House has told me all about you!" she/he says. Fantastic!

Foreman wanders into the lab holding two cups of coffee, thus doubling up on two of my pet peeves on this show: 1) a clearly empty cup that is supposed to be full, and 2) people eating or drinking in the lab. Hadley reports that she's just finished looking at Sir William's muscle biopsy and it is clean, so House was wrong. "It's not environmental," she insists. Foreman says they might have missed something at the Ren Faire. Or at least, that's what House is going to say. A fungal infection fits Sir William's symptoms, but Hadley says that's pretty much impossible since all of their tests have shown no evidence of it. They could test all of their samples again for spores, but that will take all night and thus interfere with Hadley's social life. Foreman sighs that House has clearly been in increasing pain lately. Not that he's sympathetic to House's plight, but he knows that "extra pain means extra cranky ... he's not gonna accept this isn't environmental unless we give him no choice."

House is going to be extra extra cranky now, because not only is he in pain, but also his brilliant plan to pay a transvestite to ruin the double date has backfired, as it turns out that Sam and Sara have a lot in common. They're from the same small town and have memories to share. "Do you remember that little bakery -- the one with the amazing cupcakes?" Sara asks. "Gino's!" Sam says. "UNH, YES!" Sara says. Clearly, she is a fan of cupcakes. Sam says it's always her first stop when she visits home. "Me too!" Sara says. Yes, but I'll bet the reactions of her fellow small-town bakery goers are a bit different. "Remember that strip club?" Sam asks. "Girl, I used to work at that strip club!" Sara says. Aw, this makes me miss my small hometown, which also had a little bakery and a strip club. The woman who ran the bakery died like a decade ago but the small bakery building is still there, boarded up and rotting away on the town's main drag. And the strip club was shut down even before Mary of Mary's Bakery died because they were caught employing an underage girl I went to high school with. While we were still in high school.

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House

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