House

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Pants Afire

Chase calls Cameron in for back-up, because she speaks girl. They list all the big scary diseases that could cause low potassium (kidney failure, leukemia, cancer) and demand to know any drugs or alcohol they had last night. The patient, Jordan, and her friend exchange a look and then come out with the real story. They swear the doctors to secrecy and then confess that they didn't hang out with the band last night, but stalked a comic book author instead. They don't want their friends to realize they are manga-heads. So what really happened last night was that they were waiting on line to see the band and Jordan checked her Twitter feed and saw that the comic book creator was also staying at the Hyatt in New Jersey and would be at the Pharmacide party. They knew their friends wouldn't understand their secret love of comics, so they ditched them. All the better to stalk the author, my dears. At the party they stayed a discreet ten feet away from the middle-aged frumpy guy, and then followed him to the hotel restaurant, discreetly, of course. Then they sat a few tables away and watched him. And then they ordered everything he ordered and "lived his life" for a few hours. The chances of two teenage girls standing a few feet from their idol and being discreet about it seems incredibly unlikely. Have you seen teenage girls? Particularly in packs, they are far from discreet. Cameron retrieves a sample of everything the girls ate last night, but to Chase it looks like free lunch. It can't be the oysters, because they are too delicious. Also, no one else got sick. Foreman surveys the feast and wonders if bulimia is the underlying condition. She is a teenage girl, after all. Cameron orders some tests and a psych consult. Cameron, she would never barf up her idol's food! That would be sacrilege!

House has called shotgun and is waiting patiently (as if!) at Wilson's car and reading the conference program. He is surprised that Wilson is giving a paper, but is even more surprised that the conference is throwing an '80s party for the attendees. With the promise of pharmaceutical grade cocaine in all the bathrooms, obviously Cuddy is going. When House suddenly starts considering wearing leg warmers, Wilson suggests that maybe House should just ask Cuddy out on a date. House refuses on principle, he just wants Cuddy to gradually warm up to his advances and he is pretty sure that his constant stream of comments on her lady bits will do just that. They can't talk anymore about House's brilliant plan to convince Cuddy of his charms, because she is ready to leave. And she's bringing her baby! Perfect accessory to ward off unwanted sexual advances. Hopefully. Isn't it like an eight-hour drive from New Jersey to the Adirondacks? Why are they leaving so late in the day?

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House

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