House finally gets a chance to talk to Cuddy, saying he sacrificed so much to be nice to old Jewish ladies for the past couple months just in case they were her mother, only for Cuddy's mother to trick him by being decidedly not Jewish-looking. Cuddy explains that her mother converted when she married her dad, which explains how Candice Bergen can look so very Nordic yet still play Lisa Edelstein's mother. Also, does Cuddy not have any pictures of her mother floating around her house for House to look at? Although I guess this is the woman whose favorite picture of her father is one he took of her. That he isn't even in. And has both old and new world primates in it. Cuddy says she isn't mad at House for being mean to her mother (and also not, apparently, mad at him for being mean to PPTH's Clinic patients. Worst boss ever) because Murphy Brown ambushed House to find out what he was like because Cuddy's descriptions of him apparently weren't good enough for her. On the upside, House says, this gets him out of the dinner, since Cuddy's mother "is crazy and she hates" him. Not so fast, Cuddy says. She demands that he attend the dinner for two hours, which he will spend with his mouth shut acting like an adult. Um, if she wanted that, she should have stayed with Lucas. "You will be in hell, but I will feel better having you there. That is what a relationship is. We average our misery." House is left slack-jawed with nothing to say but the softest of whimpers. For all he professes to know about humans and their behavior, Cuddy and her mother can still throw him.
Meanwhile, Taub's urgent page was his wife wanting to have sex with him in the exam room. She attributes this to having a "good day" now that her fight with her sister has been resolved. Taub had no idea Mrs. Taub was in a fight with her sister, to which she says she "talked a lot about it with Phil," like, what is Mrs. Taub's problem? Either rub Phil in Taub's face to get back at him for cheating on you and know that's what you're doing or stop bringing him up to the guy who you know doesn't want you to talk to him anymore. But bringing him up to Taub and then acting like Taub has no reason to be upset makes no sense to me.
Jack's ears test normal, which Martha M. Masters smugly says means that House was wrong about the tumor. She decides to set Jack up to have his ears drained in the hopes that the fluid will give her better cultures closer to the source of infection. She leaves to do this as Chase childishly mimics her behind her back. He then loses a rock paper scissors match with Foreman and has to follow her out to supervise.