House
Last Resort

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C | 1 USERS: C-
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PPTH Security Fails Again

Meanwhile, after bitterly failing in their first duty of keeping the hospital safe for everyone, the PPTH crack security team sort of helps people evacuate the premises as Cuddy walks in. Fire them all on the spot, Cuddy. This is ridiculous. They're making a mockery of you. How many more crazed gunmen, Cuddy? HOW MANY MORE?

House has decided not to bother looking at Jason's files. Instead, he's listening to his lungs with a stethoscope, although I don't know how he can hear anything over the noise of his continued taunts at the armed man. The Neanderthal guy speaks up to announce that his pregnant wife feels nauseous, but no one pays much attention to them. Gun > possible barf. Unless, of course, the pregnant lady can some barf bullets. But I doubt it. A phone rings, and Jason picks it up only to slam it back down. "If you ask me, keeping an open line of communication is the best way to resolve conflict," House says. Not like he's ever been asked, or actually tried this technique himself. House asks Jason to describe his breathing problems followed by whatever personal problems led him to become desperate enough to do something like this. Surely, Jason's wife left him because he was sick? "I've never been married," Jason says. House is surprised to be wrong. He asks Jason for a match to do some test. Jason doesn't have one, but Hadley thinks she'll find a lighter in Cuddy's desk. Yeah, because maybe Cuddy lights up fat doobies in her private bathroom. Please. We'll never know, since House brusquely orders Hadley to stay out of Cuddy's desk, saying she doesn't smoke. I guess when he's the one going through Cuddy's private stuff, it's okay. But when it's Hadley, it's wrong. House thinks they can get the lighter they need from the guy with the nicotine stains on his teeth that House can somehow see from across the room in dim lighting, but the guy says he doesn't smoke before calling House a jerk. He then makes a mental vow to himself to buy some Crest whitestrips if he survives this.

With that, some kid reaches for his bag and Jason jumps up from his chair and points his gun at him. House tells him to calm down; it's not like two people snuck weapons into the Clinic today. Well, why not? PPTH has consistently proven itself to be the place to go when you want to shoot someone you're angry at and not get caught. The kid says he was reaching for a lighter. He hands it to Jason. House tells him to hold it as far away from his body as he can and try to blow it out. Jason can't, because his breath is mad weak. With that, House diagnoses him with pulmonary scleroderma and says treatment with an alkylating agent is all Jason needs. And he can look forward to getting that treatment in jail. I'd love it if that was the actual diagnosis and the hostage situation ended and the rest of the episode was devoted to an entirely different case, but I doubt it.

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