Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | 1 USERS: A-
Sail Away

Wilson chases the dog down the hallway, and several employees and patients or their family members watch as a dog with a chicken in its mouth runs down the hall. Worst hospital ever. Amazingly enough, PPTH Security finally figures out there's a chicken in the hospital when House's strolls out of Wilson's office. So they didn't notice the fucking dog carrying the panicking white chicken in its mouth, but they did spot the small quiet brown one? Okay. The security guard asks whose chicken this is, because the first thing you do when you see a farm animal in a hospital is ascertain ownership, and Wilson happily reports that it belongs to House. Martha just shakes her head and can't believe she just asked that guy for advice about anything.

She heads home for a night of paper airplane folding.

The next morning, she's back in Kendall's room holding an IV bag and begging her to go through with the surgery. Kendall refuses. She says that this isn't just about a record but about how amazing she is at sailing and how much better she is at it than all of her peers, so I guess only a solo sail around the world can satisfy her now. "When you're at the top of the game, you play by different rules," she says as Martha stares at her, trapped in yet another unflattering shot. Up until her guest-starring role on this show, I always thought Amber Tamblyn was pretty. But then the directors insisted on sticking her in terrible lighting and camera angles and wardrobe gave her awful, awful clothes. She nods and hooks Kendall up to some medicine, then returns to the meeting room to wait. Sure enough, her pager goes off. She runs back to Kendall's room and finds the Cottages already tending to her, saying there's something blocking her heart and it's probably paraneoplastic syndrome. She'll have to go back into surgery. Martha sees Kendall's parents making their way to the room, grabs a consent form, and shoves it in their faces while telling them that Kendall's cancer is affecting her heart and she will need surgery, and if this had happened when she was at sea she would have died for sure. Way to send the parents on a world record guilt trip, Martha. She says that while they have Kendall in the OR, they might as well chop her arm off, too. The parents sign the consent form.

Martha marches into the OR without so much as washing her hands. She tells Chase not to bother poking around in Kendall's heart - all she needs is some calcium chloride to clear up the heart blockage that Martha's secret medicine created. And then they can cut Kendall's arm off, too, now that the consent form has been signed. The Cottages dutifully prepare Kendall for an amputation.

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