House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Piece of Cake

Taub teleports from TBL's bedside to Emmy's. He tells her about the latest diagnosis, and that her surgery caused it. She finds this ironic and is bummed out, but Taub apparently likes her now and tells her to keep her chin up. Emmy says she'll be wheelchair bound forever, and Taub pulls a Foreman and tells her to get over her very understandable feelings and walk right now. I would've preferred to sit in the wheelchair since when you walk while wearing a hospital robe, everyone can see your ass.

Kumar didn't get House. He got lunch instead. Chase and Cameron sit with him and attempt to do some differentialating. Kumar diagnoses TBL with an aneurysm. Chase diagnoses her with Gotellhouseitis. Cameron tells Kumar it's better to be in trouble with House than to kill a patient, although I don't know about that. Being in trouble with House means you don't have a toilet anymore. I need my toilet. Kumar stubbornly refuses and tries more diagnoses. He finally comes up with a biliary tumor causing paraneoplastic syndrome. Chase admits that it fits the symptoms and volunteers to scan TBL for the tumor since Kumar doesn't have the time to do it himself. Chase isn't doing it out of the kindness of his heart though -- he demands 25% of Kumar's online clinic profits. Cameron looks all impressed at her man, and possibly angry at herself for not thinking of doing the same thing when Kumar and Taub brought TBL to her ER in the first place.

Meanwhile, House has the very complicated blueprints of Cuddy's office. Seriously, it's like three rooms. Did they really need to make a blueprint? House lays them out on Wilson desk, proudly saying he got them by convincing the contractor that he's Cuddy's boss and therefore all office renovation plans have to go through him. The contractor is stupid. Cuddy is the Dean of Medicine. Nothing's higher than that! House proudly points to where he's switched Cuddy's new toilet with a bidet. He's also happy to announce that Cuddy's old toilet was smashed with a sledgehammer. Wilson patiently explains that everything House is doing is just going to keep Cuddy in his office longer, which is probably what he really wants. House rolls up his blueprints, fun over. Wilson tells him to ask Cuddy out and save the hospital some toilet money. Yeah, like PPTH isn't spending enough on toilets without House's help. Those magic toilets that allow you to pee soundlessly must cost a bloody fortune.

Taub has taken his friendly bedside manner to a new level and invited Emmy's loyal clients to visit her. They roll in and say they've been sticking to her diet and exercise plan and not cheating -- unlike Emmy. The guy who fell over in the beginning segment takes a seat on her bed (and on her arm) and says they found out about her bypass, and they are pissed. "You're a self-hating fat person!" the guy says, and clearly this is either a delusion or a nightmare. Soon all the fat people take a seat on Emmy's bed, crushing her under their weight.

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House

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