House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Piece of Cake

House accepts his punishment without further complaint and enters the meeting room, only to find that his daily schedule has been thrown into further upheaval by the lack of Foreman and Hadley, who are off doing the Huntington's trial. Poor House -- he thrives off predictability and everything always being the same, and today it just isn't! How he suffers. House tosses his half-team the new patient file and Kumar asks why Cuddy is in House's office. "Other than throwing off the Feng Shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagua at once?" House says. While clever, his retort is inaccurate. It turns out that I have an uncle who is a Feng Shui expert, and he said it's impossible for Cuddy's ass to be big enough to do this. He then added: "it can also be looked at this way: that by having such a large presence in one area of the room, it will throw off that side of the bagua, thereby throwing off the balance in the whole room, which would in turn cause an imbalance in the Feng Shui of the office. For example, if she sat in the Lake area of the bagua, the area of creativity, her big ass could bog down the energy there enough to handicap the imagination, slow down creative thought, and ruin any potential fun. This would jeopardize the well-being of the office, and anyone associated with it. She would feel worse, then start taking it out on others, etc., and it snowballs..." He then expressed how much he's looking forward to seeing me for the holidays. Based on this assessment, I think it's clear that Hadley's been spending too much time in the Lake District.

Besides the Feng Shui, there's another problem with House's office, as Cuddy helpfully points out: "these walls aren't soundproof!" House responds that he knows. This is going to be better than the time Wilson stayed at House's apartment, isn't it? Hee hee hee! House moves onto the case and says that the patient couldn't breathe, but a CT scan has shown that her lungs are fine. Taub guesses she's using steroids, but it's not like she looks like Diamond or Lace from the old school version of American Gladiators, so that's out. But Taub insists that Emmy couldn't have gotten the body she has without cheating. What's his problem? Is he jealous or something? Kumar protests that Emmy's fitness program is all about getting fit without cheating -- through exercise and a proper diet. If that's the case, then it makes no sense to me that it's popular. Everyone knows that the best and only way to really lose weight is exercise and a proper diet. They just like pizza better. Taub asks Kumar how he knows so much about Emmy. Kumar says she has infomercials and he's up late a lot. I like watching infomercials too, Kumar. It's okay. Let's go buy a Magic Bullet personal blender at the As Seen on TV store and make three-second chicken salad together. For being so easily swayed by what he sees on television, Kumar is ordered to run some labs. Oh, wait -- the walls aren't soundproof. Here come the dulcet tones of Cuddy, reminding House that labs have already been run, which he'd know if he actually read her file. House accuses her of back seat "differentialating." If he thinks that's going to get her off his case, he's sorely mistaken, because she comes running into the room with a diagnosis of her very own: Emmy was running in cold weather when she stopped breathing -- could it be exercise induced asthma? That would be one hell of an asthma attack if so! Don't people usually wheeze and feel their airways constricting for a while before they move onto passing out? Doesn't it take a while for the lack of oxygen to render one unconscious? Emmy was fine up until two seconds before she passed out. House rules the diagnosis out because of Emmy's raised BP. With that, he takes his half-team and leaves.

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House

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