House

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Cuddy's Living Nightmare

House is pissed when the Cottages report the news to him, as it means that they did not nuke Evan's thyroid as requested. Foreman points out that that's a good thing, since kidney failure means that the Graves disease diagnosis was wrong. Yeah, I'd be on my knees thanking Foreman right now for saving my job, but House is an ungrateful prick. Instead he accuses Foreman of almost killing Evan with all that iodine. Foreman says the iodine is only bad for Evan since he can't filter it out, and now they've found a new symptom. House should be happy about that. What House is really upset about is that Foreman didn't disagree with him to his face, but lied and went behind his back because he's afraid of the inspector. Taub tells them both to shut up because Evan probably has an autoimmune disorder and that means any one of his organs could be the next to shut down. And some of them aren't as forgiving as the kidneys. House is still angry at his team for disobeying him, so he orders them to do some meaningless, busywork while he treats Evan all by his lonesome. Brat.

And now, Wilson and CTB make out and breathe heavily. You know, I have a hard enough time envisioning them as a couple and this scene doesn't really help. Fortunately, it ends quickly, as they flop down on the new mattress and CTB angrily reports that she feels a firm, CTB-approved mattress underneath her. Wilson doesn't understand the problem here; he got her the mattress she said she wanted. CTB says that's the problem; if Wilson chooses what CTB wants over what he wants all the time, he'll end up resenting her, just like he did all of his ex-wives; "Don't you dare do that to me!" I think that's a good point, but I'm not sure. All I know is that House was the one who told Wilson to get the CTB-approved mattress so somehow he knew all of this was going to happen. "What? Take care of you?" Wilson asks. That's not the right way to phrase things, Wilson. CTB points out that she's pretty good at taking care of herself. Guys, just get one of those adjustable-firmness mattresses they sell on TV and be done with it.

House reports to Evan's room with good news: His medical drama made page eight of a tabloid with nothing better to report. Evan, whose kidneys have failed and who has suffered through a heart attack since putting himself in House's care, asks House if he's as good as everyone says he is. House doesn't answer, instead asking Evan if he's as miserable in his work as everyone says he is. "I just want to do something that matters," Evan says. "Nothing matters. We're all just cockroaches," House says. Speak for yourself, House. I am not a cockroach. Cockroaches are gross. Can't we be ants instead? They work hard and seem to keep fairly clean. House says if Evan doesn't like the plane, he can jump out of it. And by that, he means you should learn to live with what you don't like, because if you jump out of it you'll die. Or get taken down by the flight attendants, which would be embarrassing. "We're all on planes. Life is dangerous and complicated and it's a long way down," House says. And that's why he knows Evan won't really change; he just comforts himself by thinking that he will. "Hope is for sissies," House says. Wow, someone took a depresso pill this morning. And with that, Evan starts talking inspiration and saying that he's going to use his second chance to be a better father to House, and his sister. Wait a minute ... House doesn't have a sister! And his father is R. Lee Ermey! He has Brock's speeches memorized well enough to know that Evan is reciting one of them right now. House asks Evan if he realizes that he's reciting lines from "last season." (Tsk tsk -- soap operas don't have seasons. They never go into reruns. There is no summer hiatus. That's why they're so amazing. And also why the writing and the acting might suffer a little bit.) Now it seems Evan has a fever of 106, so he's delirious and thinks he's Dr. Brock Sterling. I just want to know how someone can suddenly have a fever like that without there being warning signs along the way, such as a fever of 104, or 105. Shame on PPTH's medical team for not paying more attention.

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House

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