House

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Cuddy's Living Nightmare

So we go to the conference room, where Cameron is sitting in the back going through House's old charts like a slave and everyone else is trying to diagnose Evan. House downs some pills and says Evan's symptoms are a numb foot and peripheral vision problems. Foreman points out that those vision problems are in House's imagination and even the test he did said Evan's vision was fine. Of course, Kumar the Suck-up, who you just know also watches Evan's soap only because House does, says that House must have been right about the first symptom because Evan really does have something wrong with him now, and that can't be a coincidence. Taub wonders if House did something to Evan's foot to prevent him from leaving PPTH, which would be in keeping with House's established pattern of kidnapping and drugging the guy. House says he wouldn't include the foot in the differential if he caused it, and now Cameron has a contribution: House could have caused the foot problem by accident. "Stick to the filing, sweetheart," House dismisses her. But Cameron continues that Evan may have pinched a nerve in his ankle when he collapsed in the elevator, since House has no problem drugging people but won't be there to catch them when they fall. She thinks they should test Evan for nerve damage before doing anything else, or else risk the wrath of the Inspector. House is scared enough by this threat to order Kumar to leave the room for thirty minutes and then come back and say Evan's nerve test came back negative. Kumar asks if he can spend his time actually doing the test. What an idiot. You just got thirty minutes of break time, Kumar! Don't spend it doing work. As for Biana and Taub, they'll be doing "research," a.k.a. watching DVDs of Evan's show and not helping Cameron with any of her volunteer chart-filing duty.

Kumar tests Evan, who is now concerned for his health and worried that he's dying just like House said. Kumar "comforts" Evan by saying House is wrong a lot and changes the subject to how cool it is to be the star of a TV show. Evan says he's just on a shitty soap, "one step above dinner theater." Maybe, but it definitely pays better. Kumar points out that women love soaps. Way to ignore the dinner theater groupies, Kumar. Evan says Kumar gets to help people and be proud of himself when he goes home at night; Evan derives no such pleasure from entertaining housewives and Houses. He wants to be on a show that "inspires" people. Kumar says he should quit the soap and find something more inspiring, but Evan says it's not that easy. He won't say why.

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House

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