House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Cuddy's Living Nightmare

Wilson has not taken House's advice, so he's spending his weekday afternoon testing mattresses with CTB, as neither of them have real jobs. Wilson likes a pillow-top model but CTB likes the one they're currently lying on, which is back-achingly firm. A salesman tells them the price is just under two thousand dollars. Wilson is about to ask about the price on the other mattress, but CTB interrupts him to put on her sad face and say that price is "too rich" for them. For you see, CTB is pregnant with their first child. The salesman offers to drop the price by a hundred dollars and give them free delivery. Oh my god, does that actually work? I'm going to tell everyone everywhere I buy things that I'm pregnant to get a discount! I might get some weird looks at the liquor store, but it's worth it! CTB isn't done yet, though. She says she's a lowly law clerk and Wilson was recently laid off. Wilson feels his balls being traded in for low, low prices but goes along with it because he knows that deals are awesome. CTB says the best they can do is fifteen hundred dollars and the salesman goes to check with his manager. CTB gets an emergency page from work and runs off to do some law clerking, leaving Wilson with the choice of which mattress to buy: The one he likes, or the one she does.

House is holding Evan's Daytime Emmy -- I wonder if they used David Shore's much-deserved Emmy for this scene. They certainly didn't use Hugh Laurie's, as he does not have one for reasons unknown to me -- and giving a speech into a mirror when his cell phone rings. It's Wilson, calling to gloat that House was all wrong about the mattress shopping; CTB is letting Wilson choose which mattress to buy. House warns him that that just means she's setting him up to make sure he loves her enough to buy the mattress that she wants. Wilson says CTB is not passive-aggressive like that, but House says she's aggressive enough to want to dominate all forms of aggression, including passive. With that, he hangs up on Wilson to talk to Marie.

Marie is a wealth of Evan information; his dressing room is lined with gin bottles because fans send them in honor of Brock's alcoholism. Wow, what a great gift. "Your character is an alcoholic, so here's to hoping you'll be one, too!" I wonder if fans send Hugh Laurie Vicodin. Oh, god. In real life, Marie explains, Evan doesn't drink and eats healthy fruits and nuts. Sort of like the ones House is eating right now, although House denies stealing them from Evan's room. House asks Marie if she's really going to marry Brock when some fans have been waiting for four years for him to marry her sister, Anna. Ugh, that just makes Marie's betrayal all the worse! I hate her! Man-stealing whore! Marie starts to wonder if House is really a doctor, since she doesn't think a real doctor would watch soap operas. House proves his worth by saying a big medical word and asks Marie about Evan's personal life and the vices he's sure it's full of. Marie denies him, though, saying that Evan is "as vanilla as they come." She even asked him out, but after a few dates things fizzled out. House wants to know if this is because Evan's penis was too big or too small, and between that and the soap watching, I'm starting to wonder about House's heterosexuality again. Marie says she doesn't know; they made out for a while and then Evan broken things off and went home. "He's a real gentleman," Marie says. House knows very well that there is no such thing.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14Next

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP