House

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Cuddy's Living Nightmare

After the break, Kumar exposits that they shocked Evan's heart back into a regular rhythm and he's stable for now. But they'd better keep everything sexy away from him from now on! Biana guesses they're looking at an "atypical septic reaction," to which Foreman points out that Evan would have to have a high fever for that. "Thus, the word 'atypical,'" Biana says. Um, what? When did she earn the right to sass my Foreman? Only people with real names get to do that. The Cottages struggle to come up with diagnoses until Cameron leans over House and suggests Graves Disease, which fits all of Evan's symptoms. House accuses Cameron of wanting to come back to him, and even offers to fire Biana to accommodate her wishes, but Cameron ignores him. Damn it! So close! House likes Cameron's diagnosis so much that he orders the team to remove Evan's thyroid. Taub thinks they should, you know, make sure the thyroid is the problem before removing "one of the most important glands" in Evan's body. Cameron supplies the name of the necessary, thyroid-function proving test. All you need to know is that in involves iodine. House pronounces this test a useless waste of time and says Evan's thyroid will kill him while they're waiting for the results. And yet, everyone except for Foreman votes to take that chance. As for Foreman, he shocks everyone by admitting that he thinks House is right, and that they need to take the thyroid out now. The Cottages follow him out the door. I guess they do respect him after all. Either that, or they're perfectly happy to let anyone else make the decisions for them. As it happens, Foreman has no intention of touching Evan's thyroid without doing the test first. He just knows that the only way House would go for the test is if he didn't know it was being done in the first place.

So while he thinks his team is performing a possibly unnecessary surgery, House is chilling in the morgue, eating some lunch and enjoying the company. Until Cuddy walks in and sees that he's got a whole morgue drawer full of foodstuffs, including -- which strikes me as hilarious for some reason -- an entire bottle of yellow mustard. I just want to know who left the drawer open with the dead guy in it. He's just lying there, uncovered and unchilled. That's not a good idea at all. And with an inspector about! It's about time those tattling, lazy morgue attendants got fired. Cuddy also notices that the food isn't even House's, but other people's stuff that he stole from the lounge. Between abusing the HDTV and stealing everyone's food, I can't believe House is still allowed in that lounge. Cuddy starts tossing everything into the nearest biohazard bin, saying that the inspector could have them all fired for something like this. House is aware of this, and is also aware that the inspector is actually on his way down to check out the morgue right now, which is why Cuddy is stopping by a few minutes early to clean up anything that might need it. House demands the HDTV in his office or else he'll show the inspector his new fridge. Cuddy refuses to back down, slamming the food drawer shut as the inspector walks in. House tells her to call him "Sweet Sauce" when she's ready to give into his demands. With that, he introduces himself to the inspector, who finally gets a name but who cares what it is? I like Inspector better. Inspector says he's heard House's name. "Most people have. It's also a noun," House says. Ha! There's a pause as House waits for Cuddy to give in and the inspector makes a frowny face which makes him look a lot like Beaker the Muppet. House then continues that he likes coming to morgue to relax or grab a bite to -- "Sweet Sauce!" Cuddy is forced to say. So now the inspector won't know about the morgue food but he will think that Cuddy is cuckoo. She loses no matter what. With that, she prompts House to make an excuse to leave, and he does, claiming it's time for him to read to some sick blind kids. I choose to believe that he really is on his way to do just that. On his way out, Cuddy shoots him a pleading look and he tells the inspector to skip drawer C-26: It's a floater. An old one. With mustard.

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