House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C+ | 2 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Lockdown
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

A newborn baby is immediately saddled with crappy parents, like her father who wants to name her "Brooke" and then either "Brooke Lynn" or "Brooklyn." Her new brother is not thrilled to have a new sister and complains that he's hungry, sending Dad on a quest for food. Such a provider!

With that, we go to the PPTH lobby, where Chase asks the lady at the front desk who paged him and why. She's way too up on the latest PPTH gossip, as she says nothing but looks uncomfortable as she turns towards a woman sitting by the door. Yes, it's Cameron, who I truly thought was never coming back after the way they couldn't be rid of her fast enough like eight episodes ago. And she's showing up at her (ex?)-husband's workplace, because why take care of deeply personal issues in the privacy of one's home when you can do it at work for all to see and gossip about? Poor Chase has to go through like everything at PPTH - reuniting with his father, finding out about said father's death, murdering Mufasa, and now this.

Dad returns with food, and was gone for such a long time that both his son and wife fell asleep waiting for him. He goes to check on his daughter, only to find that she isn't there. "Sara?" he asks his wife. Nice name, wife! She wakes up and has no idea where the baby is, as evidenced by her panicked reaction when told it's missing. Guys, I think the brother did it. I think he ate the baby. He said he was hungry. Also, I like how the character with the same name as me totally fell asleep when important stuff was happening. Story of my life!

Cuddy marches through the PPTH hallways with two employees and two PPTH security guards, as if she still believes that they are capable of anything. She meets with the Dad and asks him how long he was out of the room (15-20 minutes, which is more than enough time for a small child to eat a newborn baby. I'm just saying) before expositing that every PPTH baby comes with an ankle bracelet that sets off an alarm if someone tries to remove the baby from PPTH. That alarm hasn't gone off, so the baby must still be in the hospital. "We are on lockdown," Cuddy declares; "nobody moves until we find that baby." You know, if the son didn't eat the baby, then my next suspect is Cuddy herself. We all know how much she likes other people's babies, and this looks like an inside job.

Chase and Cameron meet in an exam room that doesn't appear to have working lights. Cameron is armed with divorce papers that she wants Chase to sign, as he's apparently been dragging his feet about it for some reason. He refuses to sign them without having a "real conversation." What! How dare he ask for something as reasonable as that! Cameron decides that this was a mistake and leaves -- only to be told to go back into the exam by a PPTH Security guard as the PA system springs to life, calling a "Code 7." Wilson hears it in the cafeteria, where he's kept company by Sassy Cafeteria Register Lady (hooray!) and Hadley (BOOOO!). Taub, meanwhile, is in the bowels of the records room near some well-marked CONFIDENTAL PPTH Personnel files, and in a random PPTH hallway, some random nurse wandering around with a cart is yelled at by a security guard, who tells her to leave the cart and head for the nearest room to lock herself into. Way to be diligent, security guard! Maybe next time you'll be able to stop one of the hundreds of armed men who freely roam the halls of PPTH daily. House then tries to tiptoe through the hallway, only to be seen by another security guard who orders him to lock himself in a nearby patient room. I know hospitals have procedures like this in the event of a missing baby (one hospital calls it a "Code Purple" on the PA system. The hospital I worked at didn't have a secret PA code for missing babies, which was too bad because the secret code for a fire was to page "Dr. Firestone" and the secret code for a medical emergency was "Dr. Quick." I would have loved to know what those unimaginative minds came up with for a missing baby alarm. Probably something like "Dr. Baby S. Missing"), but this seems kind of excessive and not really good for the rest of the patients at PPTH who require medical care and can't get any because the security guards have forced all medical personnel to sit tight in rooms. Good thing PPTH only has like three patients at a time.

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House

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