House

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Poor Lee, Doing Poorly

After the theme song, House has managed to convince Dr. Unethical to give the patient, named Lee, a second look, and all he has to do is shine a flashlight in Lee's eyes to determine that his eye movement is actually intentional. If I was Dr. Unethical, I think a mistake like that would be enough for me to give up my medical license. But Dr. Unethical doesn't seem too bothered by the fact that he would have cut a live man open and removed his vital organs were it not for the lucky fact that the most brilliant doctor in the world was in the bed next to him. Lee is also good at math, blinking three times to tell House that the square root of nine is three. Good thing Lee didn't just have to blink while answering, or else he'd say four instead and everyone would think he was stupid. Dr. Unethical explains -- and we see in a non-first-person flashback -- that Lee was riding his bike without a helmet one day when a car door opened in front of him. He told himself to hit the brakes, but either his hands were slow on the uptake or the brakes weren't working because now he's in the hospital with a traumatic brain stem injury. His brain can no longer communicate with the rest of his body. He has eye movement, and that's it ... forever. Or is it? House wonders if Lee's brain damage is the cause or effect of the bike crash, noticing that his hands have no scrapes or evidence that he tried to protect himself from the crash. Lee agrees, saying he couldn't stop for the car door. So I guess his hands weren't doing what his brain told them to after all. Dr. Unethical gets all threatened again and tells House that he isn't a doctor here -- he's just a patient. Lee doesn't need a fully functioning brain stem to know which doctor he'd rather have. Dr. Unethical accuses House of giving Lee false hope that he'll ever get better. As opposed to Dr. Unethical, who gave Lee false dread by loudly threatening to cut his organs out.

When Lee wakes up again, his wife Molly is standing over him looking tearful. She says God will get them through this somehow. Unfortunately, House was within earshot of this. Instead of reaming her out for her religious beliefs, however, he just says his ears are burning. Heh. Meanwhile, he's checking out Lee's brain scans in the background, much to Dr. Unethical's annoyance. He grabs them away. Molly asks if their children can come visit, and of course, Lee blinks a resounding no. Molly stupidly thinks Lee doesn't want to see his kids before realizing it's more that he doesn't want them to see him.

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House

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