House

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Sara M: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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Poor Lee, Doing Poorly

Foreman, Kumar, and Hadley arrive with a burger and fries for House and some diagnosing for Lee. Foreman insincerely asks House if he's okay. Hadley, of course, has brought nothing to the table except questions for House, like what he's doing in Middletown (the Middletown in New Jersey or one of the two Middletowns in New York? They said it was New York in the info blurb on my DVR, but the Middletown in New Jersey makes more sense). "Who cares?" Lee asks. House says he was buying one of Dwayne Allman's old guitars. Foreman and Kumar's attempts to diagnose are quickly pronounced incorrect, and I wonder if they get reimbursed from PPTH for their mileage driving to Middletown? Or will they have to claim it as a deduction on their taxes for next year? These are things you think about when you've been stuck in tax hell for the past week. Hadley comes up with a tumor, but Lee's too busy thinking about the fact that he may never be able to eat again to pay much attention. In which case, the last thing he ever ate that wasn't delivered via a feeding tube was a melted Powerbar. That's unfortunate. House tells Lee that if he has a brain tumor and they can find and treat it, he'll be fine again. Lee finds himself in the interesting position of praying for a brain tumor. His eyes must have started flashing praying signals, though, because House tells him to stop praying right now. Now the only problem is getting Lee's real doctor to order the necessary MRI. That proves to not be a problem at all, as House managed to steal the proper forms necessary and presumably forge Dr. Unethical's signature on them.

Somehow, Kumar and Hadley are allowed in to perform the MRI even though Kumar's making every effort to look like a moron by trying on the cool video goggles they give to MRI patients to try to ease their claustrophobia. Hadley grabs them from Kumar and gets up in Lee's grill and tells him that they're giving him MRI goggles. She holds him up to show them to him, but doesn't get them close enough to his field of vision for him to actually see what they look like. Nice job, Hadley. She puts them on, and now Lee is at the beach.

Those video goggles are freaking amazing. Like, Star Trek Holodeck amazing. Now we're in third-person vision as Lee, decked out in beach clothes, sits on a beach chair next to House, also wearing beach clothes. House's chair comes with a cup holder. In the cup holder is an open bottle of beer. Lee is confused as to how House ended up in his relaxing scenario, and House shrugs that Lee must like him. They talk about God, and whether or not Lee believes in him. He goes to church a lot, but that's only to make his wife happy. He's starting to believe, though, after being saved from evisceration by just happening to be put in the bed next to House. House points out that by that logic, God also put Lee in the hospital in the first place. Lee totally ignores this, though, and decides that House has been sent to him by God. Which means, by that logic, that God also gave House a motorcycle accident. He probably deserved it. With that, Lee turns and sees his two kids building a sandcastle on the beach. They're not in beach clothes, though. It must have been cold outside when they shot this and they didn't want to torture the kids with shorts and Hawaiian shirts. Mos Def and Hugh Laurie, though, had to endure the cold.

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House

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