House
Love Hurts

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Hurts So Good

Today's pre-credits disaster appears to be taking place already in the Clinic, since that is where we begin. An anxious-looking guy asks Evil Nurse Brenda how much longer he'll have to wait to see a doctor, and she tells him to sit down and be patient for his turn to be a patient. What could be causing things to run so slowly today? Well, House is on duty today, and he's spending his mandatory time watching his portable TV with Wilson and his patient. They watch sports like very manly men indeed, and Wilson keeps asking House how he got Cameron to agree to come back, all atwitter with the prospect of some juicy gossip, like a not-so-very manly man. House would rather focus on the game, since portable TVs don't have Tivos. But what a wonderful world it would be if they did. The patient also wants to know the details of Cameron's rehire, prompting Wilson to ask him who he is and what he's doing there. And it had better not be waiting for a threesome, because Wilson doesn't like to share. House says that both he and his patient have to go back to work when the examination is complete, something neither of them is in much of a hurry to do. So they're just going to watch TV for as long as possible in order to put off the inevitable. Wilson suddenly jumps around, all excited, because he figured out that Cameron came back because she's in love with House. The patient commends House on this achievement, earning him the threat of a prostate exam. House finally tells Wilson that he has to take Cameron out on a date, per the terms of their rehire agreement. The patient tells House to "do [Cameron]," or else House is gay, and Wilson laughs nervously...and hopefully. House takes his portable TV and leaves Wilson and the patient singing the "Sittin' in a Tree" song they both learned in second grade and never forgot.

The impatient patient from earlier walks into House and spills the contents of his open container all over him. House is pissed, in all senses of the word, since he believes the container held pee. He yells at the guy, who meekly apologizes and runs away. Wilson comes out, somehow immediately figures out that House is covered in apple juice and not pee, and tells House to go apologize to the guy before he files a complaint, another one of which would put House on automatic suspension. They don't tell us what the magic automatic suspension complaint number is, but since it's taken House six years to accumulate them all, I'd put it somewhere in the low seven digits.

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