House
Love Hurts

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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
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Hurts So Good

Foreman wants to talk. He tells House that Cameron is a friend of his, and that this whole dating thing -- "time's up!" says House. Obviously, that's not going to deter Foreman, who says he knows a lot more about the dating scene and about male-female relationships than House does. House says he has malt liquor in the trunk and some Marvin Gaye in his car, so he's all set for the night. Foreman sits on top of House's TV, blocking his view on General Hospital, and tells House just to be his usual asshole self on this date so that Cameron doesn't fall for him. "Some relationships aren't meant to happen," adds Foreman, who really should have said this to the shows' writers a few weeks ago. It's too little, too late now.

Chase and Cameron check out Harvey's apartment, which isn't the slum I was expecting when they talked about how he lived on the wrong side of town. It's a huge loft with a closet full of S&M gear. Chase checks it all out while Cameron finds Harvey's yearbook. She asks Chase to pry himself away from the leather goodies so that they can check the yearbook out together. Chase does a quick breath check so that he can smell that it's bad and want to take a few packages of Tic-Tacs from a drawer full of them in the middle of Harvey's closet of pain. I was expecting them to be the Cinnamon flavor, which is the most painful of all Tic-Tacs flavors, but they appear to be simple Wintergreen and Spearmint. This, of course, is all beside the point that it is FUCKING INSANE to eat Tic-Tacs found in a drawer in a punishment closet.

The Cottages have set up a call center in the meeting room. They each cold-call random people who might know Harvey, and then Chase hits the motherlode, literally: Harvey's parents. Unfortunately, as soon as they hear whom the call is about, they hang up on him. House grabs the phone and calls back as Chase downs a few Tic-Tacs. House informs Mr. Park that his son is dead and that they need him to come down to identify the body as required by law. The Cottages like this plan, although Cameron points out that Harvey's parents will be showing up at the morgue. "Let me know when Cuddy starts screaming," House says, grabbing the Tics-Tacs out of Chase's hand. Chase takes the second pack out of his pocket, all proud of himself for having predicted that that would happen and prepared for it.

Cuddy is livid. The Parks are in her office, along with that lawyer. House says that Harvey isn't exactly dead yet, but that he will be soon enough, so it won't be a wasted trip. Ma Park threatens to call a lawyer, which House is fine with as long as they sign the surgery consent form. Ma Park responds by whipping out a cell phone and calling her lawyer. Cuddy softens her tone and says that they must care about their own son enough to sign something that will prevent his death. Pa Park says that everyone found out about Harvey's "perversion," and they were humiliated. I really, really want to know what happened that made all of the Parkrents' friends, neighbors, and co-workers find out about Harvey's proclivities, but it isn't explained. House figures that the Parkrents don't get off on embarrassment the way their son does, which does little to make anyone feel better. The lawyer gives up and outright asks the Parkrents how much money it will take for them to forget about this and go away. House interrupts the negotiations to say that he's pretty sure letting your own son die looks a lot worse to outsiders than his love of S&M. And House will make damn sure every Asian knows about it because he'll put a sign broadcasting the fact in "every nail salon and dumpling shop" in the state. Cuddy rolls her eyes, wondering how something that started so well had to end with the race thing. Ma Park hangs up the phone and signs the consent. House says that the surgery will be tomorrow morning, and apologizes for the "dumplings" cheap shot. Yes, well, the nail salon comment wasn't your most shining moment either, House.

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