Will is blind, but that's not tonight's medical mystery. Everyone already knows about it, for one thing. It wouldn't take very long for the team to figure it out. They'd pretty quickly run through all the obvious alternatives: "Are the lights out? Are his eyes closed? Is he just facing in the wrong direction?" He's also got an ex-girlfriend who loves him and a current girlfriend who sells him LSD-laced ice cream and kind of gets forgotten about in the second half of the episode. In the end, his problem is that he breathed in some deadly spores at some point. They can cure him, but it will involve destroying his hearing. And that's the happy ending!
Meanwhile, House's mother Blythe has stopped by to check on him. And she brought Billy Connolly, who may or may not be House's biological father! After some shenanigans, all is revealed and it turns out that Blythe knows all about House going to jail. She claims she's been reading the Princeton police blotter ever since House moved there. That's a pretty good idea! Oh, and Billy Connolly isn't really House's biological father.
Having said all that, this episode will actually be remembered, if at all, for Park's acid trip in which she sees everyone as rabbits who are trying to kiss her.
A young man buys a fancy ring in a jewelry store, then gets a little snotty at Sam and Stacy for ripping him off. He walks out with a cane that reveals he's blind. Sam says, "Such a shame he's a handicap." We follow him out to the street corner, where incredibly loud beeping makes him disoriented. He's holding his head and wandering into traffic! Cars! Trucks! Wacky camera! Siren! Opening credits!
House tells his team that he's a blind diabetic. But he's not! And his tox screens are clean, which no one ever checks before diagnosing. House is teleconferencing from somewhere. Park suggests noise-induced epilepsy to counter Chase's suggestion of auditory hallucinations.
Wilson brings a pleasant old woman into the office. Taub claims that House is at an out-of-state medical conference in Baltimore. The woman introduces herself as Blythe, House's mother.
Chase and Park enter the patient's room, where his girlfriend Melissa is tending to him. He says he's never had a seizure. Park introduces herself as being short and Asian. Her offer to let him feel her face seems weird to everyone. Melissa says that they were on a break. This leads to a comment about Friends. Will (his name is Will) insists that he doesn't have epilepsy. He'd know! Chase says there will be tests.
Blythe interrogates Wilson about how House is doing. Is he happy? He notices her medical bracelet, which she dismisses as being related to some mole removal. She refers to House as "Greg," which is creepy. Wilson notices that she has a book about dealing with terminal illness. She would like House to call her, since she's in town for three days. Then she refills her drink and (kind of ostentatiously) leaves her bag behind so Wilson can see that the book is specifically about terminal cancer.
Adams and Taub are running hearing tests on Will. Taub has opinions on how people break up. At 300 hertz, Will appears to have a seizure. But his EEG is clear! They determine that he's choking. He coughs up blood. And a tooth! I think.
Yes, it's three teeth that lodged in his throat. The team throws around ideas. Park suggests poison. House insists on periodontitis, which doesn't cover everything. House throws in broad-spectrum antibiotics.
House and his fake wife are playing video games in the kids' room. He's paying them for adorable children's' drawings of Africa trips. She does a terrible job of pretending to play Xbox as House leaves.
Wilson tells House he needs to talk to his mother because she's sick. House throws away the drawings. Wilson tells him she's staying at the Grand for the next three days.