Okay, so. House. We start with a guy who looks like Mister Rogers doing a Marriage Counseling act from a stage. He's talking about Phil and Diane, who is a couple in the audience. He runs through some catchphrases and I get impatient waiting for him to collapse. Or maybe someone in the audience could explode. He goes to get a drink of water, so I figure he's probable tonight's patient. As a result, I shall take the opportunity to learn his name. According to the set behind him, this show is "Joe Something's Marriage Rescue." The "Something" is in a handwriting font that I find impenetrable. It starts with an R, but everything after that is a squiggle. Oh no! What if I'm having a stroke? What if tonight's patient is me? What a twist! No, wait. Joe's having trouble with his catchphrases. Eventually he collapses off the stage. A woman runs up to him and a guy with a cellphone calls for an ambulance. And we're off!
Taub brings coffee for the team, which is in the external office. Chase's limp is almost gone. House interrupts with Joe's background: he's 38 years old. Chase thinks he's crazy because he tells men to act more like women. House thinks it's impossible to change the way men act and insists on fist-bumps from Taub and Chase. Park and Adams talk about relationships. Taub proposes a pulmonary embolism and wants to do a pulmonary angiogram. Adams has a less invasive idea. House is disappointed that everyone agrees, so he announces that he wants to hire a team leader. Just then, a woman walks past. It's Dominika, House's Ukrainian wife!
She's here to tell House that there are Green Card interviews coming. House rushes through some basics to make sure their stories are straight. She asks, in adorably broken English, "Can it be that genius doctor is afraid to take on silly government apparatchik?" Oh, man, whatever happened to using "apparatchik" in English? Was that just a Cold War thing? We have to bring that back now. Anyway, the scene ends without a resolution on this issue.
Joe is getting hooked up to tubes and stuff while the team asks about his background. He says that he got a broken wrist when three morons beat him up outside a sports bar in Milwaukee, which is what made him realize that men should stop being so macho. And that's when he switched from Corporate Speaking to Marriage-Counseling Speaking. The woman from the opening is there, and she turns out to be Marlene, his wife. Joe says she helped him change his career and his diet. Taub would like more information on the diet part.