House
House

Episode Report Card
Sara M: A | 1273 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Maybe Dead Baby

Wilson finds House hanging out in the maternity ward. House says he's looking for a needle in a haystack. Wilson tells House to "let it go." Wilson, how about you letting your little crush go, hmm? I really doubt newborn babies need an oncologist, so there's no excuse for you being here. House says Echo virus 11 is usually spread orally or through fecal matter. Wilson says that they'll find out who's been doing the spreading once the results of the stool samples the entire staff had to submit come back. Well, that must have been a fun day in the lab. House says that the stool tests won't help; the carrier would have had to be so virulent that if it were a hospital employee, Cuddy would have noticed. Plus, the sick babies shared no common personnel. And yet, a non-hospital employee had contact with them all. How? As soon as Wilson walks away, House hears someone wheezing and coughing. He turns to see an elderly volunteer wheeling a cart full of teddy bears into the maternity ward. She wipes her nose with her bare hands and touches the bears. A CGI virus flies out of her nose, onto her hand, onto the teddy bear, and then onto the baby. Baby-Killin' Grandma notices House staring at her. "Can I help you?" she asks. She's about to find out that her poor hygiene and inability to follow the hospital's "if you're sick, for God's sake stay the hell home" policy is responsible for the death of one baby and almost five more. That is the kind of news that will really ruin your day. Or maybe not. It isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility that a group of youth-hating seniors got together at the local senior center, organized, and infiltrated the hospital volunteer staff in order to unleash an illness that would destroy the whippersnappiest of the whippersnappers.

House watches the thrilling conclusion to the latest General Hospital amnesia storyline in the comfort of the ob/gyn lounge. The two ob/gyns walk in and tell House to leave, even though he totally saved all their babies except for that one. House says he is one of them now: he just did some prenatal testing on a baby he will be delivering about five months from now. That's five months of sitting in comfortable chairs and watching soap operas in the beautiful high-definition digital clarity they were meant to be seen in. He'll have the sparkling water, please.

House

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