House
Maternity

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Sara M: A | Grade It Now!
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Maybe Dead Baby

Pregnant Clinic Lady is back for the results of her "mono" test, and she's relieved to hear that her husband is the father of her baby. Wow, they sure did get that test scheduled and done in a hurry! Less than a day, I believe. No wonder people keep coming to that clinic, even with the chance of getting that cranky mean doctor. Now that Mom's got the good news, the fact that she's pregnant starts to sink in. She'll need an obstetrician...hey, does House do deliveries? No, no, and no, he says. And then a thought occurs to him.

Max's parents wait. In the NICU, Foreman calls Chase over to the computer monitor.

Chase and Foreman meet Max's parents. Chase removes his germ face mask to reveal a big ol' smile. He's got great news. The baby's dead, but he just saved a whole bunch of money by switching to GEICO! Okay, actually, the baby is doing really well, and the status of Chase's car insurance remains unknown. Chase looks over at Cameron, who's probably all put out that she didn't get to make the people smile.

House limps into the office and finds Cameron working late. House says that she looks tired; the last couple of days have taken a toll on her. Cameron says that they've taken a toll on everyone, and moves to get ready to leave. House asks Cameron if her awkwardness around death comes from having no experience with it, or having too much. He suspects it's the latter. "Did you lose someone?" House asks. "Was it a baby?" "You can be a real bastard," Cameron says, and she's out the door. I think that was supposed to be a yes or no question, Cam.

On her way down the stairs, Cameron sees Max and her parents exit the elevator on their way out of the hospital. The hospital looks deceivingly large in all those overhead exterior shots. Inside, it's 95% doctor's lounges and only 5% actual hospital. Cameron smiles as she watches them go. I guess they cut out the scene immediately following where the lesbian parents exited the elevator holding an empty car seat and Cameron looked sympathetic.

Wilson finds House hanging out in the maternity ward. House says he's looking for a needle in a haystack. Wilson tells House to "let it go." Wilson, how about you letting your little crush go, hmm? I really doubt newborn babies need an oncologist, so there's no excuse for you being here. House says Echo virus 11 is usually spread orally or through fecal matter. Wilson says that they'll find out who's been doing the spreading once the results of the stool samples the entire staff had to submit come back. Well, that must have been a fun day in the lab. House says that the stool tests won't help; the carrier would have had to be so virulent that if it were a hospital employee, Cuddy would have noticed. Plus, the sick babies shared no common personnel. And yet, a non-hospital employee had contact with them all. How? As soon as Wilson walks away, House hears someone wheezing and coughing. He turns to see an elderly volunteer wheeling a cart full of teddy bears into the maternity ward. She wipes her nose with her bare hands and touches the bears. A CGI virus flies out of her nose, onto her hand, onto the teddy bear, and then onto the baby. Baby-Killin' Grandma notices House staring at her. "Can I help you?" she asks. She's about to find out that her poor hygiene and inability to follow the hospital's "if you're sick, for God's sake stay the hell home" policy is responsible for the death of one baby and almost five more. That is the kind of news that will really ruin your day. Or maybe not. It isn't entirely out of the realm of possibility that a group of youth-hating seniors got together at the local senior center, organized, and infiltrated the hospital volunteer staff in order to unleash an illness that would destroy the whippersnappiest of the whippersnappers.

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